Abused or just a needy partner?

by Anonymous
(England)

So when is a needy partner an abuser? Having just answered yes to 20 out of the 25 "am i abused" questions, i think i can say i am being controlled.


So knowing this, why do i need her to end it, to let me go? Why do i find it so hard to end it and stick to it? Maybe because she changes her tune from nasty and cruel to loving and gentle. I am an optimist, always believing it will change.

My kids have only just found out about the abuse. I had her arrested last night for hurting me; wasn't i brave!! She is sorry and wants to try again. Everyone says "tell her to go", so why do i feel sorry I had her arrested when it was me who was hurt?

Am i mad?

Comments for Abused or just a needy partner?

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 11, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Comment
by: Anonymous

ur a nice person. Ur hurt, u just help urself.
Mar 18, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Change your programing
by: Anonymous

Yes, you are (so to speak) "mad". Staying in such a negative, dysfunctional relationship as bad as it is, seems "normal" to you because you have been in it for such a long time.

When you decide you truly and genuinely WANT to change your life to a healthier one, not just for yourself but for your children as well, REMOVE YOURSELF PHYSICALLY FROM HER PRESENCE-MOVE OUT.

The longer you are away, as the days turn to weeks and the weeks turn to months, and so on - your eyes and heart will see clearly. You will no longer be wondering around in a fog-like condition.

Make it your earnest resolve to change your "program". It is only then that you will be FREE and truly able to LIVE the life you deserve. Remember, YOU ARE WORTHY.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist

418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936

215-813-8633

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

"You gave us counseling without making either one of us feel that you were taking sides.
You always maintained your impartiality with us. You encouraged Rita to be more assertive in stating what she wanted to get from your counseling sessions, as well as what she wanted to get from the relationship.
You taught both of us better communication between ourselves, which lead to an emotional comfort level between us that didn't exist before.
You took control of the direction of the session if things were not moving along.
Thanks so much
for helping us."

Rita and Mark

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network