Am I in a bad dream

by rosalind
(crawfordsville)

Young ladies,please listen to what I am about to tell you and do what you know is true. Learn to love yourself enough that you do not end up in a nightmare or a bad dream that is your life if you choose to be with someone who is abusive.

I will tell you how my nightmare began; the man who said he loved me would choke me and leave bruises on my arms and then take pictures of me naked. He would say he was sorry and take me out to eat and show me off to his friends, and then get jealous and start accusing me of having affairs with a ex boy-friend. He would put a gun up to his head and tell me he would blow it off and start screaming at me that I was a whore. If we went to any game, he would get so jealous that I could not even watch the game, because if I did watch it, he would point out who I was lusting. I would find porn all over the house, and he would deny it and said all men look at porn and to get over myself.

Then years go by and things get worse. I could not even go to work. He caused a uproar, scared everyone because he threatened to bring a gun there and shoot a construction guy who he thought was flirting with me. One night he again put a gun to his head and started waving it around, yelling and screaming that my 8 year old daughter was not his; it was my ex-boyfriends. He had this crazy idea that I was still seeing him. He was in a rage, pushed me down and my sweet daughter who was just trying to help her dad calm down. I called the crisis center and went there, but it was gross and I just wanted to sleep in my bed, not with a bunch of women. He called me and was so sorry that I went home,and from that day on I lived the nightmare, walking on egg shells, never knowing how to respond.

We did try counseling 5 different times, and the last time I went to counseling is when my nightmare got even worse, because he fooled me into thinking he had changed. But he was just hiding behind a mask, and fooling everyone. Then the ugly person started coming out again. He was into porn really deep, and lying about our money problems and spending money on anything. He started having more drug prescriptions, too many to count..he was addicted to painkillers and downers. Plus many more. We were seeing a preacher counselor, and I had put too much faith into this preacher to save my hopeless marriage. So ladies, do not put your life on the line thinking a preacher will save your marriage. Needless to say, but I wanted to believe that there still might be hope, but when his ugly inner self started showing again, he just got worse. It was all my fault that our marriage was falling apart. And God would send me to hell if I divorced him, he would burn the house down. Plus he had 12 guns loaded, why I still don't know. One day he left and my daughter and I were really scared because he threaten to kill her ex-boyfriend,and left bruises on her and said she needed to be put away. Took off on his motorcycle and came back after we had all the neighbors woke up. The next day he went to his sisters to cut bushes, so we locked him out. He called the cops on me. I let the cop in, but I ASKED THEM TO PLEASE NOT let him come in. They talked to me and my daughter, and then went out talk to him. When the cop came back, he told me to go where I would be safe. As we were getting ready to leave, he came at me and the cop had a gun right on him and yelled sit down mr.----. I was scared. My daughter and I left ,and the nightmare still was there. One day I got too brave and went to my house to get some things, and he was there with a gun in his pocket. He says "where did you hide the other guns Rose, where are they." I tried to look calm, but was shaking like a leaf on a windy day. I would not answer him, and just kept grabbing my clothes. He kept threatening to burn the house down and kill all my animals, so I am really freaking out. He sounds like a madman, so I RUN to my van, but he is already out there in his van,and getting ready to hit it with his van. I start to panic, so I call the preacher; no answer... then I call the cops. THE COP says "ma'am, get in your van now and lock it." So I jump in my van and hit the lock button. While I AM TALKING TO THE COP HIS VAN IS COMING AT ME. Then he jumps out and somehow opens my door. I start screaming "please don't hurt me." Then the cops had their sirens on, and hand cuffed him, and took all his gun away. I had to give the cops the 12 guns I hid from him. The one cop was talking to the other one and said "Why are all these guns loaded?" I just looked at him and said "I don't know you tell me." I left, but had to hide from him for a year, and he still tried to cause trouble for me.


Now I am healing, and the nightmare will always haunt me. HE ENDED UP IN A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT A YEAR AGO. He can not move. My life is slowly getting better. I am a survivor.