Confused as Hell

by Jesse
(Scarborough)

I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 9 months but i have known him for 4 years. The first day we started going out, I told him everything about who I dated and what I did with them. Not only that but I also told him about what happened with the guy i went out with first. I told him that I drank whenever he abused me and hurt me to forget whatever happened. Then I also told him that my ex-boyfriend and hoe raped me because I wouldn't allow him to have sex with me.

Regardless of what I had told him, we had a very happy 2 months. But when I started going to school in September and we started spending time with his friends, everything changed. He started accusing me of things I didn't really do. He also started pointing at what happened to me in the past, calling me bitch, slut and whatever else you can name.

Now, more importantly, if i were to talk to his friends and seem to click so well, he would accuse me of cheating on him as if I like him, and talk as if me and his friend are doing something behind his back. Not only that but also he also said many hurtful things such as " you might be sleeping with that guy" and even threatened me that if i don't act like how he wants me to, he would come and hurt my family.

Moreover, one time when i was at his house, we were half naked in bed and he wanted to get into my pants but i wouldn't let him have sex with me. Right at that moment, i got a message from my best friend, who was guy. Right after he read the message, he accused me of cheating on him. But all the message said was "merry x-mas, TC naw".

He got frustrated and he started slapping me around, pushing me, pulling my hair while clutching his hand around my neck almost choking me. But he later admitted the actual reason why he did what he did to me: which was not allowing him to have sex with me.

Then after 3 months things didn't change still. For example, we were at his friend's house. I was texting my friend and he made a huge scene out of it, and threatened me that he would break my phone if i don't apologize for texting. Then this whole fight went from inside the house to outside, where he pushed me toward the fence and banged my head on the fence (it was a few hours before my birthday).


I was about this close to leaving him when he threatens me that he would do something to my family or himself if i don't accept him back. The next day he totally bribed me into staying with me. Furthermore, he made me look like a bitch because i wouldn't let him touch me in the store, since there were Asian people there. Then at the theater he made a huge scene because i was on the phone with my friend and she was desperately in need of talking to me- and made me look like a bitch and embarrassed me in front of everyone. But then he tells me how I embarrassed him, even though he was the one who was doing all the screaming, cussing and beatings.

Now recently, just close to April 5th, he made a huge scene in front of my building about me not being like his friend's girl because i was too open about everything. And that i should act more like a girl who shouldn't say, but do what he tells me to do. Not only that but also he also had weapon on him and f--king told me if i don't say "sorry" for being a total out spoken girl, he was going to hurt me with it again.

I didn't give in but when i told him i am done with him, he starts to apologize and everything. So I gave in, accepted him back.

Now get this: my parents know him and i are going out and they like him. But if i were to tell them what he does to me, they would hate him. But since i am too scared of what he would do to my parents, i didn't tell them anything. Most importantly, I am trying to move away from him to see if he would leave me alone and never ever come back to me because i desperately don't want anyone no more because of whatever i had experienced with him. (Personally I am just too scared that if i do ever find anyone new I would be going through the same thing, So I don't want to any relationship whatsoever).

However, imaginably enough, I still like him. Or is it because I am scared something would happen to me or my family if i hate him. I think I really need to do something about this but I am not sure what is or how can i go upon it because I am scared to death.