Confused... Is this Abuse?

by Anonymous

HI Everyone. I honestly cannot believe that I am writing this... especially since today is my wedding anniversary. I am not sure if these are just minor problems... or if I am really in an abusive relationship, and I really hope I can get some answers here.

We have always both been the nervous, sensitive type. However when we started to live together things really began to flare up. My husband can be a very sweet, kind and supportive person - loving, caring... the real deal. He has supported me in my studies and also when i was ill and has always shown me respect in intimacy. But he has a temper.

We could be speaking normally and then all of a sudden he just starts shouting and really swearing for the most stupid things... like me leaving things around or forgetting to throw the dust away after sweeping.

Last week he even turned completely red... and starting shouting loudly at me ... all because i could not understand what he was saying. It was like he got possessed as we were just leaving friends after a real nice evening.

He swears at me using religion at least once a week for the smallest things... like me trying to speak to him abut ideas for the house. He even shouts at his parents sometimes... so shocking. Every time we meet friends, i get a lecture afterwards about what i should have not said or done. Once he got me soo irritated that i just asked him to shut up. He told me that i am ignorant...

He never says sorry for being rude to me. It's my fault as I make him angry. My parents are also always being criticized and i have questioned how good parents they are because of this

Yesterday however made me totally question this relationship. After an evening of shouting and swearing i had had enough. I told him that he does not know how to speak to people, that he has a problem and that he should see why some of of neighbours do not speak to him.

He totally lost it. He grabbed a sheet and smacked it repeatedly on my back and said foul words, insulting me and my family. I did not hurt at all as it was just with the sheet... but i wonder whether he wanted to hurt me.

Today i got no apology.... I told him "happy anniversary" and that we could still try to change the day. He told me i should have thought about it yesterday... so once again it's my fault. Can anyone please tell me if i am going mad ... please????

Comments for
Confused... Is this Abuse?

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Jul 30, 2012
 Counseling
by: Anonymous

Like the other commentator, I believe you are in a relationship that has turned abusive, or at the very least, is developing into an abusive relationship.

You mention that your husband uses religious words and I'm wondering if you have a church or other religious community where you could go for guidance.

You also mention that your husband's behavior was different some time ago, but has now changed. I'm wondering if he could have a physical problem compounding this situation.

You need help, for you. There are lots of resources and I urge you to seek counseling immediately.
Jul 30, 2012
 Still not sure
by: Anonymous

Two weeks have passed and we did move on from that argument after not speaking to one another for a few days. It has gotten better, and he has not spoken badly to me in a bit... but that episode is still at the back of my mind.

It scares me to actually accept that this is abuse... especially since we have always been so much in love and open with one another. I guess time will tell....
Jul 25, 2012
 What Happened?
by: Anonymous

Is there a chance things can get better? This sounds like my husband and my relationship. I love him, but I'm tired of fighting. He says it is all my fault and I have to change, and that I make him angry.

I've tried to change things but it never seems to make him happy. I don't want to leave him, but neither of us are happy and nothing I say seems to make things any better.
Jul 19, 2012
 YES-
by: Anonymous

Yes, this IS abuse. When a partner disrespects the other with shouting, swearing and physically "touching the other, in ANY SHAPE or FORM, IT IS ABUSE.

Your husband has a anger management problem. Until he seeks help to modify this dysfunctional behavior, you will continually be abused.

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