Desperately need help - being manipulated to death

by Rosie
(Culver City, CA)

Is this acceptable behavior from my boyfriend of 4 years?

Is It OK For My Boyfriend To:

- slander me for 4 years with his ex-girlfriends, friends and family? Note: this is not just "guy talk" to let off steam.
- talk to, text and email 1 or 2 ex-girlfriends sometimes excessively, and often in a sexual nature, as well as slander, gossip and lie about me; and disclose very personal things about me? His excuse for doing this with "one" of his ex's is because she stole $17,000 from him, so he says he'll do "whatever it takes" to get his $ back and "doesn't care how i feel about it".
- update, renew and open new online dating ads during our relationship and lie about deleting the old ads.
- meet his ex-girlfriend(s) behind my back?
- invite his ex-girlfriend for one more romp-in-the-hay? (that's not how he expressed it though).
- lie to me about meeting his ex-girlfriend(s) and keeping in touch with them, sometimes communicating for hours per day?
- to have secret email accounts for communication with other women incl. ex's?
- say that he doesn't care how i feel about him contacting his ex-girlfriend, he'll "do" what he wants and he "doesn't like rules".? He "doesn't like to be told what to do" (quoting him).
- manipulate me into thinking that i am over reacting to be upset by his behavior, and that it doesn't warrant a sincere apology or admission of wrong-doing?


Note that during the first 1.5 years, he apologized and promised not to continue this behavior. But he continues to grossly disrespect and manipulate me to this day. He says that what he does is no big deal and i over react. He wants me to go to therapy for this!! He says that I am mentally disturbed to think that his behavior is abnormal!

Was/am I Wrong To:

- be upset by his disrespectful behavior towards me?
- distrust him?
- be suspicious after 4 years of this?
- check up on him and inquire where he is and what he's doing and who he's with?
- defend myself?
- think that he's emotionally abusing me and cheating on me (proven at least to some degree and probably they went all the way many times)?

He did these things throughout our 4 year relationship. BTW - as unbelievable this sounds, I could say soooooo much more regarding his questionable behavior and incredible double standards, but this is a bit too long already.

Thank you for reading and please, help me understand without any uncertainty that this is not a healthy relationship for me.

Laugh, Love and Live lots.