God is my keeper

by Rosalind
(Crawfordsville, Indiana, Montgomery)

I share my story, because I believe I am finally ready to share my story. First of all, to all you young ladies who believe you can change your man, I am here to tell you no you can not. I also need you to take the time to realize God does not tell you to stay and change them. When you enter in a relationship too quickly, you have no idea what you are doing. I am telling you all of this to help you realize what your parents tell you is so true. Thank God I AM ALIVE to tell you my story.

I was almost 21 years old when I decided to marry a man who I knew had problems, but I stayed because I felt like I had made my bed; now I had to lie in it. I got pregnant and felt an obligation. All the warning signs were there, because he would yell at me, and talk to his ex-girlfriend, and just treat me like a piece of meat. I lost my first baby because his ex-girlfriend had her brothers come to where I lived and try to break in and hurt me to scare me. All it did was cause me to lose my baby. I should of backed out of the marriage because more signs started showing. To some people it is normal, but in my case it was a terrible addiction he had. Porn and talking on the phone to unknown girls. At that time I thought it was my fault. I, like many girls, had low self-esteem, and felt like everything he threw at me was my fault.

Now my story is way too long to tell all, so I am going to tell you what men do to you who are abusive. You are always wrong, you are very stupid, dumb, you are a whore, you are a cheater, you can not cook righ,t you can not do anything to please them. You can not do anything but that they think you are cheating. When you are out with them, they have to point out every guy who is looking at you. They are super jealous and yet at the same time mess with your head, and even try to control your dreams,and have fantasies of you having abnormal sex thoughts like they do. THEY THREATEN to kill themselves, and even play mind games with you, because they know you are kind-hearted. AS THE YEARS GO BY THEY GET WORSE. They start telling you they will shoot you and take your child away. They start playing awful games with you head. You know you need to leave but you just don't know how. His family was and still is in denial of what type of person he was.

After 23 years of being in counseling 5 times, I finally left everything except my daughter who was abused too. All I can say is GOD kept me safe. I hid at friends houses, churches, hotels, and then at my parents. The craziness did not end. He still kept playing mind games, through my daughter. Finally I SENT HER TO New York where she would be safe. It was hard but she was safe there. After 5 months, I had a place to stay and had her come home. He came back into the picture and tried to mess with her mind. I truly was scared he might rape her or something, but she would not listen. So we got it to where she would stay with his mom when it was his weekends. Then GOD gave me a premonition. I told her something bad was going to happen and please do not get on your dad's motorcycle. God showed me what would happen, and it did happen. He wrecked his motorcycle and that was a year ago, and now he is in a nursing home and can not hurt no one. God is my keeper, God protected me and my daughter. And God still watches over me... God is my strength and is still helping me heal. I hope my story can open your eyes up to see you can not change them, and GOD does not want you to stay in a abusive relationship.