Is it Love-Confusion? Or is it not love at all?

by Stacy
(Seattle)

My boy-friend and i have been together for 3 months and almost 4. But on our second month, he yelled at me for the first time. Just for asking and reassurance of whether he was mad or not.

October 28th was the night he first showed his true colors. To him, it's more like, "Being IRRITATED," but to me, it was more like "DISRESPECT." Throughout the time, my attitudes towards him became more and more aggressive. I'm not regularly arguing or picking fights with him, but sometimes i wonder if being with him and dealing with these kinds of problems--is what i really want? I mean, i love him and care a lot, but i guess all I'm really afraid of is just "losing him." He is the greatest and the best I've EVER had. But this arguing and disrespecting has got to STOP.

We both think that neither me or him deserve to be treated the way we treat each other like this. We could not leave each others' side or we'll go crazy and saying how much we miss each other. But, ever since he missed our 3rd anniversary (12/15/10) and my birthday (12/31/10), that's when i just really lost it! I always say to him, "You do what you gotta do first, don't worry about me I'll be okay."

But i feel like I've let him slide too many times, and that he's totally taken advantage of the things I've said and doesn't understand what i exactly meant. The day/night he didn't make it to our 3rd anniversary, he could have just called and told me that he couldn't make it but instead, he decided not to. Although, i did call him earlier that day asking him if we could hang out that day, and he had said "Yes, but later." I waited all night and still no response. And, on my birthday (12/31/10), he said that he didn't have a ride and the place that i was having my birthday party was too far. First, he said that he may be a little late. THEN, he said that he wasn't gonna be able to make it to my birthday. And, days before that, I've asked him repeatedly, "ARE YOU, OR ARE YOU NOT COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY?" He kept changing his answers. That is what really got to me and upset me most. And on the day of my birthday, instead of calling me and telling straight forward, he just TEXTED ME.


I don't know what it is with him, but sometimes it seems like we're afraid of each other for different reasons. I feel as if he makes too many excuses and i personally feel as if I'm starting to get a little too controlling---maybe sometimes over doing it too? I will stand tall through anything and anyone, but i could never stand up to his yelling back and demands. Even just arguing through the phone makes me step down from the high level of being loyal---It just flat-out makes me afraid of him. And when i think he is afraid of me is when i look at him straight in the eyes and tell him to "STOP CRYING." Not because i don't care, but because what hurts me most is when i hurt him emotionally and make him cry. Seeing him cry is also one of my weakness' too. Because i love him so much, i can't stand watching him cry. But i also question myself, "Why must i make him cry?

There's no reason to be pushing things THIS far?" We are the better love. The better couple. We always says to each other on our better days, "No Love Can Compare." But is it true? Is this TRUE LOVE or just a LOVE-CONFUSION?