Lost and Confused

by Jeff
(Maryland)

My wife and I have been married for 2 years and recently had a child. In our 1st year of marriage, my sister robbed us for heroin and there is a suspicion she poisoned our dog. I have severed all ties with my sister. My parents stood up for my sister initially but have sided with us in the end.

Over a year later and after all the things that were stolen have been recovered, my wife still brings this up. She constantly tells me I can't take care of us and she feels like a single parent. I wake up with our son half the time through the night, take him to and from daycare, feed, change and play with him. I pay all the bills, take care of the house, cook more that half the lunches and dinner.

In the past 3 years I have helped her recover from ACL surgery, some female issues that required a hospital visit, never left her side through 2 days of labor. After she tanked her finances on jewelry and baby clothes that were not needed and never worn, I gave her $3,000 simply because she asked.

The last 5 months have been hell and my best description is a crazy Tylenol gel-cap. Tic-toc, crazy is coming. Last night I was cleaning and organizing our sons room since she did his laundry the last 2 weeks, and rather than put them away she threw them on the floor. For this I got a 3 hour argument about how my family is horrible and has ruined us. We don't communicate, I can't provide for us, etc.

A week ago our roof leaked; it rained 12 inches in 2 days that week. At midnight, after I got our son to sleep, I climbed into the crawl space to put buckets down. When I got into bed at 1AM she woke up and asked me why I had to be so loud up there, the sound of me putting the buckets down were keeping her up, along with my walking around.


The month before that, we had some weird smell coming from our basement. Turn out there was an empty drain line. I found it and fixed it but it took a while for the smell the clear. When she came home after I was fixing this all day, she told me that I must have been watching tv all day and I didn't do anything. The smell cleared that night and the only thing I got after all that was said was: I guess you were right for a change, how does it feel to not be worthless.

When we first bought this house, we had a sewer back-up. I had to rip up part of our deck. Rather than stay and help, she left me alone to get it done by myself, make the appointments, and supervise the work while she went out with her friends. This was also the week she tore her ACL jumping on a trampoline with some kids.

I feel like I've entered into an abusive relationship and I'm at a loss for what to do. We live in a very expensive area, and I wouldn't be able to afford to live anywhere but my car if we were to split. She has already threatened to take my son from me.

The final thing that I don't understand is after she goes on one of these tangents all night, of saying things to me and putting me down, the next day she's fine.....nothing else is said until the next time I do something.

I'm confused, lost and I do not know what to do.

Dear Jeff...Although this feels abusive to you, this may be more a matter of immaturity and lack of verbal understanding of what your roles and behavior in your marriage should be. My suggestion is that you both seek marital counseling from a licensed marriage therapist. Try the therapist directory at www.therapistlocator.net for someone in your area. Good luck.

The Couples Guide