Not so happy

by Amber
(Butler, PA)

I've been married for three years and I have two little boys. I have no friends, and I have lost who I once was. I should have seen this coming but I didn't. I now have depression and panic attacks.

My husband is very controlling, things have to be done his way. Whenever we fight the blame's on me. I can't do this anymore, I'm planning on leaving. I have no money. I have told him I'm leaving before, and he would not let me take my kids, even though I'm the one that takes cares for them. He paints this picture that he is a good man when were in public, but he is not at all like that when we get home.

I'm not allowed to go anywhere alone. I told him the other day I wanted to get my license and learn to drive, and he flIpped out in front of my therapist and the fighting went on when we got home.

I laughed at him and he told me to stop laughing and I told him "would you like me to cry?", and he said he would prefer if I did, My attorney called my therapist and told her she can tell that I'm in a abusive relationship and told her she fears for me.

Every time I try to make friends, he flips out and tell me "I don't want you talking to them." He claims he is trying to protect me. He isn't protecting me but controlling me, everything I do and even when I don't. When I'm out and someone looks at me, he flips out and almost fights with them because they looked at me.

I fear for my kids, I don't want them thinking it's OK to treat a woman like this. Over the last couple weeks I've been working on my insides, feelings, and my outlook in life and the truth is I don't love him anymore. I love him because I have to, because it's want he wants. I hate him. I hate the way he makes me feel and I know I could be someone without him.


Over the past three years, I have told him I was thinking of suicide, and he told me to stop talking and to just do it!! Well, now I have. I killed the person he has made me become, and I'm growing into a new improved person, one that any day now will tell him where to put this love.

At this point, he has made me afraid to leave the house. I have about 5 panic attacks a day and he yells at me when I do. "Oh great. Here we go again. You do this on purpose." (Like panic attacks are a way of fun for me)

I'm working a plan in motion as we speak. I'm getting out. I'm in line to get my financials in place and I don't know where to go. But once I get things worked out in my head, I'm leaving and filing for divorce and my kids are coming with me, and he will not stop me.

DON'T LET THEM CONTROL YOU. NEVER GIVE THEM THE POWER OVER YOU. THEY WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE NOTHING, NOBODY, AND YOU NEED THEM. TAKE A STAND. WORK YOUR PROBLEMS OUT WITH YOURSELF FIRST AND THEN YOU WILL HAVE ALL THE POWER YOU NEED TO SAY "I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE."

I WILL NEVER ALLOW SOMEONE TO HAVE THAT CONTROL OVER ME ANYMORE. MY ISSUES GIVE HIM THE POWER OVER ME AND ITS NOT HAPPENING ANYMORE. I have stopped being that person, and now when I talk to him, I'm myself: strong, independent, me in control of my own fate.