Sad

by Felicity
(Singapore)

My bf of more than three years doesn't let me explain or defend myself whenever he has an issue with me. He gave me a three step rule to follow which is to admit the mistake. Apologize sincerely and be sweet to him to calm him down. So as long as he says I'm wrong, it means just that and I subsequently have to follow those three steps. If I fail to do so, he goes crazy n starts yelling at me, calling me a f--king idiot, crazy or asking me to go f--k myself.. I am not allowed to explain myself ever. I mean that. Ever.

I tried explaining to him nicely when he is angry with me that I don't like his using vulgarities on me like what I mentioned above. But he says he doesn't give a sh-t about that as the reason why he behaves like that is because I drove him to do so.

However, he has been very nice to me, helping me out financially and buying me gifts, and listening to my problems when he is in a good mood. Another problem we have is also because sometimes I fall asleep without speaking to him at night, and he calls me a pig who only cares about sleeping and not having a conversation like we used to have before. But truth is I'm just extremely tired and had to shut my eyes.

All my friends and family do not know this side of him and they think we are a perfect couple. I haven't said anything to them either because I'm so embarrassed. The last argument we had, he said I'm gonna regret not apologizing to him immediately, and that if he needs help or if he is horny, he might then come back and speak to me. He said if not, he will find other means to fulfill his needs.


However, during this time of our relationship, he always has been faithful and gives me his time. I dunno if he said this in anger or means this, but he has threatened to leave me many times but hasn't done so.

There are times when we are really happy together; it's not just all this. But his anger is sudden and I do not know when it will strike, and if it does, I have to appease him asap. Otherwise he gets really mad and leaves me wherever it was we were meeting, asks to me to get out of his car before he pushes me out and goes home. I sometimes call him and apologize so that he will speak to me. He says he needs to teach me a lesson so that I'm not egoistic anymore. He says in this relationship, if I can't listen to his rules I should "get lost". But like I said he has been nice to me.. He doesn't force me to have sex or anything.

I have my own issues as well.. I'm not perfect. I'm really insecure and often think he looks at prettier girls and I get jealous but not in an outright way.. I keep it in my heart and it shows in my face and he guesses it.. He doesn't criticize how I look or anything and treats my and his parents with respect. He has some issues with his mum and sometimes feels like she doesn't love him as much as his brothers.

I dunno what i should do? Can someone please take the time to read this and help me? I don't want to speak to my friends and embarrass him.