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So many years.....

by Tammy
(Canada)

I have been with my boyfriend for 20 years...since I was 15...we have one child together..who is 8...where do I begin...well...I know what I want and need to do...but he is hyper, mean, yelling over stupid things, a drinker-usually on weekends only, he has thrown things at me, pulled my hair, calls names, I could go on and on....I do love him...but wonder why I stay....He does threaten me with taking my kid..and not having her...but Im scared of that...we have 2 houses and a business...and the business is mine-which is next to our house, so if I left...it would be world war 3...I feel trapped...but really I know Im not...if I left...I would have to close my business and take my kid and run...and not even tell my family where to...my family literally puts up with him and that's it...I dont know what to do...it seems like his life and friends on the weekends come first...doesn't want to do anything but drink, party, and visit his friends...all weekend...Im tired and worst of all...my daughter is growing up with this in our home...I dont know where or how I could get the courage to do something about it...any suggestions.




Comments for
So many years.....

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Mar 15, 2011
 So Many Years - Child Abuse
by: Angela

If your daughter is growing up in a home where her parents are involved in family violence, SHE ALSO is being abused.
Oct 21, 2010
 Dear Tammy....
by: Gene Kayser, Editor

This is definitely an abusive relationship. And you feel trapped. Obviously, this is a situation that has been going on a long time, and your lives are very tangled.

The fact that you two never married speaks to a lack of trust in this man who is controlling and may be an alcoholic. And you're right: this is not a good example for a daughter or a son to grow up thinking this is normal behavior.

What to do? It would be helpful for you to get some individual counseling to learn why you stay with this man, and what to do about it. At the very least, try to find a support group of abused women in your area so that you can connect with others like yourself.

Untangling your financial affairs will take some time, but you can begin to make a plan that will enable you to leave, if that's what you decide.

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