Toxic Relationship?

by Fysher girl
(Wisconsin)

I met my boyfriend at work about 7 years ago. We were both in relationships and were just friends for a while. But then we ended up starting to feel a lot more for each other and couldn't deny the chemistry.

It was a bumpy road in the beginning because we both had loose ends to tie up. But we managed to keep each other close. I should have realized from the very beginning tho that he was a controlling person. He used my emotions from the very start to bring me up and put me down. I've never been this vulnerable woman that I am today. I never took any crap from anyone in previous relationships. At the first sign of distress, I was gone. But this time it was different. I couldn't imagine myself without him regardless of the strife I had been through loving him.

Let me add that when our relationship is good, it's REALLY good. We have passion that I never knew possible. We share a lot of interests and do so much together. He really has made me the happiest I've ever been.........And the most miserable I have ever been.

Unfortunately, these days the bad definitely outshines the good. I won't go into too much detail, but it is a constant struggle to get anything positive from him anymore. And now I am the most angry, bitter person because of where my life is.

He has the worst temper and has caused so many brutal fights because he can't control himself, which in turn makes me aggressive like I've never been before. We fight (YELL) on a regular basis, and it is this reason that he brings out the worst in me everyday.

His sister made the comment last night that our relationship was "toxic" because she has witnessed many many of our fights. It was a real eye opener. I've never viewed it as such but she was absolutely right.

I need help. I wish I could just walk away from this but it is the strongest love that I have ever known.

How do I do it?? How do I determine if it is worth fighting for? I don't know if I have any fight left in me.

Comments for Toxic Relationship?

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Mar 02, 2014
This thread is eye opening
by: Anonymous

I just had to break it off with someone who has been displaying these exact same traits. I was giving 95%, and the 5% I got was pure negativity. He resents the hell out of me for finally putting my foot down.

It was one the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I can feel myself becoming a stronger person because of it.

Apr 07, 2013
Toxic relationship
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your post. You opened my eyes. I am in the toxic relationship. It kills me and makes me a bad person. I need to get out of this. I need to be strong enough. Can I.....???? Do I love myself enough to get out????

Dec 25, 2012
Toxic Relationship
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your comments. I have been in a toxic relationship almost six years. I too felt that it was a rough start but I kept overlooking things that I know I would have never overlooked before. He would always make unkind remarks about me, my weight, my clothes, my hair and a list of other things. Although I would say that he hurt me, he would always reply that he was just kidding. His favorite line was you need to get worried when I stop teasing you. Really. On the other hand, we had so much fun together, the passion he seemed to have for me made me want to love him more. But once I got to where I believed our relationship was going to last, he would make a cutting comment, turn a discussion upside down and start blaming me for the problem or drag a situation we had in the past and present it as if it just happened.

All these things, I took and should not have. I would hurt on the inside and before I knew it I was a bitter, on-the-edge lady who had been turned for good to bad over time. I believe I lost a piece of me and prayed to God to help me get out. This is not love and the passion was not true love because love does not hurt like that. Love is kind, and gentle and understanding and respectful, and why I allowed myself to forget all that with this guy is beyond me.

If anyone reading this is in a similar situation, please love yourself more and leave this toxic scene and drama. I know you do not want to be alone or lonely, but if you really think about it you are alone - each time those cutting words, icy stares and totally insane misunderstandings happen, it drives you further apart and opens you up to more of the same toxic behavior. It will be difficult, but please do it for you because you are much better than that.

Jul 15, 2011
Dead on - right to the point
by: Anonymous

Youngest described my marriage of 15 years and it's getting worse every day. But I can't bring myself to leave because I love him. He has really turned on me for his job...success has taken him over.

I cannot find a good therapist that can direct our roles as husband and wife, and how we should react to certain things. He has also cheated on me and been physical.... People ask why do I stay.... all I can say is I love him.

Dear Anonymous,

In order to find a good therapist, check out http://www.therapistlocator.net, which is run by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. They can provide you with a local therapist who has expertise in this area.

It also sounds as if you could use some individual therapy to find out why you are still with this man. There are a number of directories on the net, such as www.psychologytoday.com that can suggest counselors for you.

Gene Kayser
The Marriage Guide


Apr 28, 2011
Same Here
by: Anonymous

Sweetheart,

I know exactly what you're going through. I also met my boyfriend at work, 2 years ago, and I have to say EXACTLY the same thing has happened to me: most chemistry, happiest, saddest and god, do I YELL!

I can honestly say, I see myself slowly going down the road to weakness and bitterness. He can ignore me when he's mad and all I do is wait for his call. It always seems as though when something offends or upsets him, he will make me out to be the worst person- tell me what I think, why I think it, if I am a liar or how I have manipulated something.

Never before in my life has someone who loved me called me a manipulator or been able to make me feel as lonely as he has made me feel; not saying I haven't been hurt, because we all have been (I have had someone turn their back on me after I had asked them to move in with me after years of dating), but when he hurts me, he cuts me to the bone.

Needless to say, my family dislikes him greatly because when we first dated, he was rather outlandish, opinionated and loud and my family doesn't like that; I loved him anyway. I love him regardless of the fights we got into in the beginning and I even loved him after he tried to grab me (he never did again); it seems as in the heat of the moment, he always seems to turn the problem around on me.

I am tired and I don't have fight in me either. When things are good, they are the best I've ever had because he is a lot like me in ways and we can really get the most out of spending time with each other. In the ways that we differ: I would never pass a judgment on someone as I feel he has to me.

Don't ever let someone tell you what you think, who you are, or that you make them feel badly when you are only standing up for yourself if they seem to turn on you, yell at you for no reason, or make a simple comment you made out to be the end of the world (especially when they may continuously tease or prod at you in their own ways and enjoy it!).

God has made us in his image- whatever God you believe in- ask: WHERE IS GOD IN MY RELATIONSHIP?? If you see God standing on your side and not in between you and your partner, holding both your hands, get out.

Easier said than done? I know.

Tomorrow is a new day, there will be someone who loves you and appreciates you for all of the good you do, and if you are as unhappy in your lows as you say you are, trust me, even in your loneliest time of recovery, you will feel better than you have with someone always bringing you down.
Don't let chemistry sway you how it has swayed me. Be strong like your loved ones (whoever they may be, even your closest friend) would want for you.

And don't ever feel you are alone. You aren't your story is just like mine.

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