Trapped

by Tara
(Hillsboro, Ohio, U.S.)

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and we've been through a lot together. I love him more than anything. However we go through these constant mood swings... Something happens. He said something hurtful when I was too vulnerable or vice versa. Or we don't communicate thoroughly and our minds take a turn for the worse.

For an ex: If we see each other cry and we ask what's wrong, if the one crying doesn't want to talk about it, the one asking assumes the other cheated or we did something wrong.

Out of anger we've cut each other, scratched, slapped, grabbed, choked, pushed/shoved. And two weeks ago, i told him i didn't want to have sex but my opinion didn't matter at that moment.

I know I need help. Maybe I'm the reason he's like this now, but I don't want it to be like this all the time. He won't go get help with me, and when I try to be more affectionate, he either hurts me or taunts me to hurt him. I'm scared either because I'm getting abused or I'm abusing him.

I don't know if i should get help or get out, or let things remain as they are.