Trapped

by Bridget
(Washington state)

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. In the beginning, things were almost idyllic, as most relationships seem to be. He was the funny guy, the playful, lovable goof. I thought he was just what I needed after being in a loveless, depressing marriage.

After we got together though, his whole personality changed. Even his friends began to mention to me the change in him. He began to be more serious about everything, no longer joking and the fun-loving guy I fell in love with. He would belittle others and criticize and judge people close to me. Then he moved on to me. Nothing I did was ever right. He would nitpick and get mad at the smallest things. If I cried or got upset by something he said or did to me, he would say I'm being "overly sensitive", and yell at me for crying.

I can't even ask him a question or discuss small talk, let alone important things because he will get angry with me. He has to make all of the decisions, I can't ask about the littlest things or the finances...

He just recently took a job that's a 1-hour drive away from where we live, that only pays a little above minimum wage (I look everyday for jobs for him and find better ones than that- he expected me to look for jobs while I was pregnant, and even now that I'm a new mom). He expects us to move there; I have no say.

Right now we live with my mother, helping her keep her house by paying for over half of the mortgage plus our personal bills. I don't want to leave her for many reasons. I don't want her to lose the house and I don't want to be isolated with no car, with a man that doesn't help me with anything and that constantly demeans me. I would be miserable, worse than I am now.


I'm tired of not being able to just talk about things without a big blow out, or even go grocery shopping, without being publicly humiliated by him yelling at me for "not paying attention" or just plain doing things the wrong way. I feel free when he leaves. Recently he's been getting mad at me and giving me the silent treatment because I refuse to be intimate with him. Why would I want to be close to someone who makes me feel like garbage? In order for me to be in the mood, I need that person to make me feel loved and adored- a little affection wouldn't hurt either. But at this point, I don't even want it from him anymore.

I keep thinking it would be easier by myself as a single mother. It would be hard financially, but at least I could live my life comfortably and be my true self without being judged or criticized. I'm tired of trying to do everything perfect or up to his standards and never being good enough. I'm tired of walking on eggshells.

I'm just afraid for when he would want visitation rights- I don't even want to deal with that part of it. I feel stuck and trapped, I don't know what to do.