Well, That's UNHEALTHY

by Jane
(Conway, Arkansas, US)

I answered yes to 21/25 questions.

Is my relationship really THAT messed up? I mean, I love him to death and all, and it wasn't always like this. I may have answered yes to 2-4 of them when we first starting dating. From a bystander's point of view, I guess one could say things are really messed up.

I don't care about a test or an outside point of view. I care about mine. I'm not happy and I know I'm not. Logically, I'm detached. Emotionally, I've clung to the relationship by fear. Fear of what will happen if we break up after 2 years of being together. The fear of where I will end up.

I think I stay in the relationship because I've developed a sense of feeling "secure". I know he won't break up with me. I know his family likes me. I know I love his family and his background. I just HATE his personality. If I wasn't dating him, this would be someone I would want to sucker punch right in the jaw.

But then he tells me he loves me. He is playful with me and makes me smile. But the other 60% of the time, he's making me angry, depressed, or stressed out. I can't get a hold of myself.

He says things like "Do you lovvveee me?" And of course, I answer "Yes, I lovvveee you." Then, he goes on to say "Forevvvver?" Is that manipulation? He does this maybe once a day or once every other day.

I don't know if he's just doing it for craps and giggles, or if he's actually trying to be crude and manipulative. Maybe he doesn't even know the impact of his "manipulation" and just does it to do it. He may not be consciously manipulating me? I'm not sure.

I just don't know what to do. I'm terrified of leaving. I'm also terrified and miserable with staying. It's a lose-lose situation as far as I have it in my head. I can't see the benefits of either side.