My husband is cyber cheating in secret

by Lost
(PA)

I am not sure what to do… I just found out that my husband has been talking with a bunch of women online as well as sharing genital/full body pictures of himself (face included) with them online, and they are doing the same.

I started getting a gut feeling something was going on (I went through this with my first husband). I was on our computer the other day and had a bunch of windows open and closed the one I wanted by mistake. I looked at the history to retrieve it (short on time with kids) and found a dating site on there and clicked on it. He had left his profile open!! I asked him about it and he completely denied it with a flat out no, saying it's not mine. I didn’t believe it and was hurt.

Later on I went on and it had been deleted. I addressed this with him and he didn't have much to say. Now last night the same thing happened again – he left his email open and this is where I found intimate and extremely graphic chats, pictures, the whole shebang. I also found that he is on numerous dating sites looking for secret relationships.

I am so hurt, plus he flat out lied to me. From the emails I learned it went back as far as 2010, as it is now 2012. I'm of course confused. As we discuss things, he tells me is so happy with our relationship, wants to take a big summer vacation next summer and I thought we had open lines of communication. It’s a huge smack in the face and I'm not sure where to go from here

Comments for My husband is cyber cheating in secret

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 08, 2024
Rating

Chaturbate
by: Anonymous

My husband of 19 years goes on Chaturbate and other web cam porn sites. Just over a year ago, one of the prostitutes reached out to him and gave her WhatsApp address. He started what he thinks is a a "relationship" and has sent hundreds of dollars to this person or persons as I believe there are multiple people messing with him. I am devastated. He has lied repeatedly in marriage counseling. Even worse, he is blaming me for his behavior. Filing divorce papers next week.

I am so sorry to everyone going through this. It is painful and you feel alone.

Jul 07, 2022
Rating

THANK YOU
by: Anonymous

I was with a girlfriend for five years and was making plans to propose to her. Then one day, she said she wanted to take a break to figure things out.

That was about four years ago. She got married about two years after her "break" to a coworker who I later found out through the help of hackgoodnesstech on instagram that she had been cheating on me the whole time we were together. I was devastated at the time, but now I think it was all for the best. Also, it's a small world, because her husband is cheating on her with my staff.

Thanks karma!" I might just give my staff a promotion, what do you guys think?

Nov 17, 2021
Rating

Cyber cheating could indicate something more...
by: Anonymous

I posted on here about a year ago when I discovered my husband's cyber cheating. Fast forward a month - I found messages on his phone about a hookup with a prostitute. After a great deal of insistence on the truth, and checking bank account statements, I uncovered a 4yr+ prostitute habit once or twice a week while I had been working full time. He "only" resorted to cybersex due to covid making prostitutes unavailable.

Our marriage is a mess. I'm going through a great deal of trauma that is difficult to get over, even with counselling. He wants to stay, says he was in a "dark place" but is struggling with showing me he is serious about reconciling for the right reasons.
It's a tough road.

Oct 06, 2021
Rating

HELP
by: Anonymous

you think it’s hard to leave a relationship, but if you are experiencing any sign of infidelity you need to say to yourself, "I can do better," and just leave.

I had no choice but to contact a pro tech guy who I got introduced to by my friend, he helped me hack my partners phone and I found out she was cheating, I even got to see her deleted messages, pictures and videos. I had no choice but to confront her and leave the relationship Because it became too toxic for me. I know someday I would find the right woman for me.

No one deserves to be cheated on . At first it hurt so much, but then suddenly, I felt free and good. Trust me, it’ll feel a lot better once you accept that the relationship is over.

Jul 26, 2021
Rating

My husband pays for porn, ask girls for pictures.
by: Anonymous

My husband started watching live stuff, he talks to girls on Skype, calls them beautiful and stuff. We have really drifted and we really truly love each other and that’s the sad part.

I asked him to get help if he really wants to make this marriage work. He still hasn’t set up any appointments. I’m giving him a year and if not I’m asking for a divorce.

We have built a beautiful life together and the fact that he is willing to loose that makes me so sad, I’m completely broken and I’m holding on to what is left I just don’t know how I’m going to keep it together.

Porn and now his addiction has ruined us and our relationship. He thinks it’s not a big deal, he doesn’t consider it as cheating. I ask him to tell me the truth and he never does, I can’t trust him right now and he gets upset. Like it’s my fault.

May 24, 2021
Rating

Online cheating
by: Anonymous

Been with the same person for eight years. Couple years ago I got into his computer saw that he looked at a lot of porn was on craigslist looking for massages. Now that he has found the sex sites he can chat, girl sent him naked pictures etc. Of course he denies it then gets pissed off at me because I broke into his computer and found out his secrets.

He doesn’t want to admit it finally he says he doesn’t wanna girlfriend doesn’t want to be with me blames everything on me and doesn’t want to just the issue. We broke up for six months. I’m on a tear him online so I know he still online finding girls. Rarely does he meet any of them but he’s online every day. Now he’s being nice ones to get back together but the problem is all of his sexual attention goes to online fantasy girls. He doesn’t kiss me he doesn’t initiate sex. He wants me around for everything that sex which is not fair to me. This happens to many people it’s hard to get out of the relationship because the person is loving and caring and everything is good besides the sucks. But you have to have a loving open honest relationship. He is being dishonest, has an addiction, wants to live in a fantasy world with no emotional attachment to these girls. Help comes from within we have to make a choice. They’re never going to change unless they get deep psychological help. It is an addiction. We have to decide if we’re going to put up with this or if we’re gonna walk away. When I was away for six months I missed him but I was also obsessed with keeping track of him and that’s not healthy. And then I feel bad about myself because he doesn’t wanna have sex with me but he wants to have sex with all this online fake girls. this is happening more and more with men in general and it’s gonna be hard to trust any other man. It is a true epidemic with no help. Stay positive love yourself make decisions and stay strong. You don’t have to live in his fantasy world you can leave and create your own real life.

May 23, 2021
Rating

Pathetic woman is so deperate
by: Anonymous

My husband died 2 years ago and shorty after I found out he was cheating online with some desperate married woman. I never emailed her to let her know and she still emails my dead husband EVERY DAY.

THEY NEVER MET IN PERSON. As far as I know they knew each other maybe 6 months before he died. When I have a bad day I read the emails she sends him and feel better instantly because she's such a desperate, pathetic person. My friends come over and sometimes we sit around drink wine and laugh at Jane the professor who still thinks she's in a relationship with my dead husband. She sent him nudes because she's in her 40's and acts like a stupid teenage girl. Thank you JANE for providing some entertainment for me after my life exploded not once but twice.

Feb 01, 2021
Rating

It’s me!!
by: Anonymous

I’m the cyber cheater and it sucks.
I can’t explain why I did it except that it brought me excitement that someone else was interested in me.
I have known my husband for more than half of our lives and there is nothing new or exciting to say. I try! He’s tired from work and wants to play video games.
I feel somewhat neglected and unappreciated.
I didn’t look for attention-
I was playing a online game and people chat. I was rude and mean and after a while the guy kinda won me over with conversation.
Once we found out we had things in common we shared emails. One thing lead to another in short time I was getting compliments and feeding his wishes for pictures so I could hear more sweet stuff. For a while I felt happier than I had for most of the pandemic lockdown- but one night my husband "busted" me. He asked if the pictures were only for him and I hate lying so I panicked and didn’t answer. Oh the pain we have suffered from this. Somehow I thought that he would be just annoyed and tell me to stop but that’s dumb as he is very emotional and I killed his trust.
I’m not sure if he’s going to stay or leave-
He thinks that I could be with anyone and that’s not how I feel. I truly love and adore him- I just don’t feel like he puts as much energy in to showing me that he loves me- and I understand that I am not new and exciting for him either. But he’s an angel that never strays.
I’m feeling so bad about hurting him that I physically feel pain. I don’t want him to leave me but I sure don’t want to be a prisoner of a bad marriage where he’s going to panic every time I get a text.
I’m unsure if there’s anything that I can say or do to make this discomfort we are both feeling go away.
They say time heals all wounds?
While I did the guilty activities- we are both wounded.

Jan 17, 2021
Rating

My husband cheated on me online 2 years ago, and sid it again.
by: Anonymous

My husband cheated on me online 2 years ago, and he was talking about marrying this person. He was also sending money. Then he found out it was a scam. So he stopped and told me he loved me and would never do it again.

During the 2 years i still couldn't trust him. Then 2 nights ago i found out he has been talking to someone online again.

I don't know what to do. He said he will stop , i said i wanted to divorce him, but also said i didn't really want to. He said he loves me and wont do it again. Should i give him a 3rd chance?

Jan 16, 2021
Rating

cyber cheating
by: Anonymous

My husband thinks that Cyber cheating is not cheating. I think it's the same than cheating. The hurt is horrible. How do you start trust again and being intimate is difficult. I hate that he denied it even though i had proof and tried to blame me for it. He said a few times that he would stop but this is now the 3rd time and each time when I find that he is not stopping he denies it first or it's not as bad as I think. Well, it is bad. I'm just ticked because I don't have a good enough job to make it on my own. I also don't think that counseling will fix it quickly. There will be distrust for many years. I'm done but have to figure things out. Shame on anyone who does that to the partner. My husband doesn't understand that most of the time that they are not even interested in a relationship and just want money. He doesn't understand that he can get himself in dangerous situations. For what, for some excitement??? I would understand it more if he would have met someone and made a connection. At least he knows she is real and not someone who could be a man, or someone who lives in another country. It's so frustrating. I went through different emotions. I cried, tried to be understanding, but I hoped that it's fixable. Now by the 3rd time I think I need to plan ahead because I don't feel like playing this mind game. I would say to everyone who is financially stable to move out and then figure things out. Especially your partner needs to figure out what he or she wants to do. I have been married over 35 years and don't want to waste years to figure out if our marriage will work.
Good luck to everyone!!!

Jan 13, 2021
Rating

Wasted time
by: Anonymous

Wow I am so sorry to hear all the sadness on this page. I have been with my husband for 22 years. High school sweethearts. I mean we grew up together. And low and behold about a month ago I got a gut feeling something was wrong so I checked his phone and there it was. He’s been having a cyber affair for god knows how long. Sending sexual pics. Constant chat. I am so hurt. I trusted this man with my entire heart. I do think the affair is still going on. He’s just better at hiding it. Beware ladies. Always trust your gut. And check their phone!!

Nov 14, 2020
Rating

My husband too...
by: Anonymous

My husband of 20 years has been becoming more distant, difficult to talk too and appears to have lost all respect for me. He started going to the spare room in the middle of the night, initially for a couple of hours, then gradually for most of the night.

The other day I dreamt that he was being unfaithful. I went in to "wake him up" to find him fully awake with his phone beside him. When he went for a shower I looked at his phone and found various pornographic videos, but even worse, messages and videos of him masturbating and various pornographic images of this woman.

The thing I'm finding hardest to cope with was the increasingly personal nature of the conversations. He shared photos of himself, his car(!) and the other woman wanted photos of his house etc. He was even starting to arrange times of the day when he was out of the house to continue seeing her many times of the day. He said he only wanted to make love to her.

I'm feeling totally degraded and my self esteem is zero, while he is acting like nothing is different, despite confessing when I confronted him. Yes, cybersex is as bad for our relationship as a physical affair. Currently trying to stop suicidal feelings.

Oct 14, 2020
Rating

cyber cheats
by: Michelle Mattern

I am going through this also. But I have removed myself from our home. It's disgusting what he has done I will never be able to trust him. Anytime he is on his phone I wonder so to me it's not even worth my tears anymore. I'm pretty sure there is someone out there for all of us. Just move on.

Sep 11, 2020
Rating

Cyber Cheating Man
by: Heart Broken

I have so much sympathy for the women on this page going through this. I’m lucky enough not to be married to the man who just broke my heart. We haven’t had sex in 6 months and I could just tell something was.... off lately. Its been incredibly rough on my self esteem to be continuously rejected for sex. I recently walked in on him mastrubating to a video and a photo of a woman he knows up on his screen on IG. I was so disturbed, especially since I was trying to talk with him about our lack of sex. That hurt. But I logged onto his computer recently and was horrified to find him making mastrubation videos in our bathroom and sending them to a woman online. This is someone he apparent has known for a long time. Although she lives in a different country and nothing physical has happened. I saw he also had many, many chats going on with various women. Very flirty. It was extremely painful to discover this. My intuition told me something was wrong, when I confronted him he always denied it.

He wants me back and says it won’t happen again. After reading this page it’s unlikely he will ever have me again. This is a serious addiction. Unless he get serious about therapy, I will not be in his life. I can’t live a life with these lies and no physical intimacy.

Sep 04, 2020
Rating

Cyber cheating for 11 years
by: Maddison

Wow, so much pain and I cry as I read these stories, because I have always felt that I am the only one going through something like this. So alone!!

I have caught him so many times, sms, email, dating sites, and constantly secretive with his phone and iPad and laptop, clearing search histories.......

He has always denied it and looks at me like I’m crazy when I have confronted him. I always end up crying and t

I am a full time children’s nurse, raising 3 babies, and keeping him satisfied, but still zero self esteem and in so much pain.

I really don’t know what to do anymore, I too, ignore when I know it’s happening now, otherwise it’s another screaming match and I’m in to much pain!

I am sharing virtual hugs ladies, I hope you all know your not alone x

Aug 26, 2020
Rating

I'm going through the same thing right now except it is my wife of 32 years
by: Anonymous

I know I am kind of hijacking this post but I have no where else to turn since I am a man and it's my wife doing this.

This isn't the first time she has done this and I thought everything was fine, I don't get what she gets out of texting and I don't get why she wouldn't just talk to me the way she texting other guys.

When this happened before I was working on forgiving her but now I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should end a 32 year marriage or try to work things out again. For the first time I truly have no idea what to do. Please help

Jul 21, 2020
Rating

So sorry
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry to read all these threads. I am also going through the same situation. It's been 20 years of cyber sex with other women and 1 real in person affair. We have talked through it so many times all these years. He has never been honestly open about it, he never comes forth first, I always end up finding out, and when he has no other option then he admits it.

We've cried together about it, he's openly admitted to having a problem, we have had so many conversations but then he always ends up doing it again. It's such a painful experience. We have a child and are otherwise happy in our relationship, but he just doesn't seem able (or doesn't want) to commit to truly stopping his online affairs with other women.

I'm so tired of the secrecy, the lies, the late nights hearing him type and walking in on him just to see him close his screen tabs and hearing more lies and excuses. I know how painful all of this is and I can only but offer my heartfelt sympathy for your situations.

Mar 30, 2020
Rating

I am struggling too
by: Anna82

Hi,

I have just read your post and this message maybe outdated but I am currently going through a similar situation. My husband of 10 years has told me he is not in love with me anymore but he wants to remain married. He sees no wrong in what he is doing.
I found pictures and messages on his phone last night and I feel like I am trapped in a nightmare. he refuses to stop and it's breaking my heart. I am feeling inadequate, despite never showing him no attention etc. I have tried to just talk, but he refuses to respond to me.
If anyone can help me, I do not know what to do. Also, I am sorry for hijacking another persons situation. How are you or do you cope? x

Jan 19, 2020
Rating

I’m going to leave
by: Granite mans wife

He knows I am hurt he won’t tell me truth and I cannot deal with lying and stocking my husband! I hope it happens to him someday because he doesn’t know my pain. Finding number hidden in wallet he wrote and won’t explain is what made me open my eyes. Sites have to many road blocks and I cannot fix it because he won’t tell. I truly loved this husband and he was never honest. I just needed to know

Jan 16, 2020
Rating

Husband can’t get it up for me
by: Anonymous

My husband has been in web cam chat rooms. I have proof, yet he totally denies it. We haven’t had sex in years, have no kids, and no affection whatsoever. I would constantly would beg for sex, but since I’ve been rejected dozens of times, now I just ask him why he doesn’t want to have sex.

The last time we "tried " to have sex about a year ago, he couldn’t get an erection. I knew something was up. I walked in on him a couple times, and he lied, changing his pitiful story each time again. Then I actually found his user name, feed, etc. That was four days ago and I am severely depressed. I absolutely hate my body and hate that he did this. To make matters worse, he used gaslighting to make it look like I was crazy, as he still denies the chat rooms, saying it was "just porn." BS. Also, he has manipulated me and I even found myself apologizing to him. I made the mistake of sending his mom a brief text without much detail, and now apparently she is horrified with me. Me? I am the one who has been faithful. It’s her son who is causing his online infidelity. Oh, and he’s also an angry alcoholic.

If anyone has any advice/nice words, please send them! I lost my teaching job a few months ago so I have been subbing, but don’t even want to leave the house to sub. My dog was also diagnosed with severe cancer a week ago and she is dying. It is all just too much.

May 19, 2019
Rating

Will it never stop?
by: Anonymous

I have caught him sexting over and over again in the decade we have been together. If I confront him he cries and begs forgiveness. But it happens again. Sometimes I just monitor his conversations without confronting him as I am afraid if he knows I know and have forgiven him, he will think he can keep doing it. He never gives me sex and my self esteem is zero.

Apart from this, he is loving kind and considerate. Everyone thinks he is an amazing husband.

Aug 09, 2018
Rating

My husband too.
by: Anonymous

Just found out my husband has been carrying on sexting relationships with multiple women throughout our marriage, including the sharing and receiving of masturbatory videos. I confronted one of the women via text message and her response to me was borderline illiterate. You could tell from her writing that she was utter gutter trash.

I'm devastated. I've been with this man for 20 years. We have two children. I feel like I don't even know who he is.

Jun 18, 2018
Rating

Husband secret life..
by: Anonymous

Sigh... ladies, I’m in the same boat. Just found out a few days ago that hubs has been cyber cheating with various women the whole time we’ve been together. Hurt, confused, about to have a baby so there’s so much uncertainty right now. This is definitely not the 1st time I’ve stumbled across his sexting conversations. I’m considering divorce because of all the lies and secrets. I feel your pain, stay strong as best as possible.

Apr 15, 2018
Rating

My husband has cyber affairs
by: Crossfitmom

I’m so sorry to read this. I’m going through the same thing and it has been very difficult. I hope you can heal from the pain and figure out what is best for you and your family!

Mar 16, 2018
Rating

My pain
by: Anonymous

I too have recently found that my husband has been having many, many online accounts with porn sites, live web cam sites, even on Grinder. I am so hurt and confused, I don't know how to go on. How can a person hurt someone they love in this way?

Jul 19, 2012
Rating

Cheating is Cheating
by: Anonymous

He IS CHEATING and has continued to cheat even after being found out. He has broken his marriage vow to honor and respect you, till death do you part.

He is not worth you or your love or your faithfulness. Do yourself and your heart a favor . . . kick him to the curb . . . find yourself a genuine person who truly loves and respects you as his wife.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit The Relationship Forum to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

My husband is cyber cheating in secret

Comments for My husband is cyber cheating in secret

Counselors

Client Tools

Quizes

Forums & Blogs

Articles

News & Resources