Acting Strsngr Husband

by Cristy

When Covid hit we realized we should be close to families so my husband and I moved back to Chicago. I have an aunt who is 82 years old and divorced. My husband is 68 years old. There were instances when we visit our aunt and she always prepare food and we end up eating lunch or dinner with her and that has been the routine. The past 3 months I noticed my husband is very happy when he is with my aunt. She jokes a lot with him and they laugh together.

One time, while I was at work he has to go to my aunt’s house alone to get something and they ended up having dinner together. Everytime he sees my aunt he kisses her on the cheek while rubbing her back gently and he never does this to the other aunts. The other aunts are all married I don’t know if that makes the difference. During family gatherings my husband always walks my aunt to her parked car carrying her things and comes back 15 minutes longer than usual.

The last 2 months my husband has been dressing up very smartly to church; in fact one family member commented “he is blooming”. One Sunday, when mass was ended and we were heading towards the door - I was probably 5 steps ahead when I noticed my husband was not right behind me. I turned around and I saw my husband blowing kisses to my aunt across the aisle while she was walking toward his direction. I saw his face when he blew that kiss so full of emotions with eyes sparkling and his chest moving forward as he blew the kiss oblivious of all the people around him. When he saw me looking at him he immediately walked towards me and followed me to the door
and as we walk towards the dining area for potluck he said “I want to wait for auntie”. I told him I have to go to the restroom so he eventually followed me. On our way home, I asked him why he was blowing kisses to my aunt inside the church. He said he was very happy to see her. I told him to tone it down a little for it might appear like you are flirting. He was so mad at me. We had a fight and accused me of being malicious. He insist there is nothing wrong with the blowing of kisses. Now, I have never seen my husband blow a kiss to anybody since I met him in college. Not even to his mom or to me…that is not his character. He has never been particular with his appearance and I even have to tell him at one point to shower before changing for church. Before I have to wake him up incessantly to be ready for church but now I don’t have to. The moment I am changing he is up and about changing too.

I am trying to rationalize why he was so happy to see her when 4 days prior to this particular Sunday my husband saw my aunt when he went to my aunt’s house alone to fix her cellphone. I don’t think there is anything more sexually physical going on with them. I just could not explain why my husband behaves this way towards my aunt. There has been no history of indiscretion in our marriage.

Am I over reacting to the blowing of kisses and the whole thing? Am I right to feel betrayed that my husband is happy being with another person other than me? Is he in love with my aunt? Please help me clear my mind. Thank you.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network