Am i expecting wrong from hubby?
My problem started when my Brother In Law moved to States . Though he is 32 but totally immature and messed up - its a diff story
Right now my sister is visiting for 3 weeks for the very first time after our marriage. This is the first visit of any of my family member to States after 7 years of marriage . I wanted to spend each and every hour with her along with Hubby and kiddo. Suddenly my BIL calls and says that he wants to visit us exactly same time, when my sister will be here . My hubby did give him some hint before that my sis is visiting but today he asked my husband bluntly - "which days u have holidays so that I can come".
I have asked my husband to ask my BIL to postpone his plans and visit us after my sis leaves. And there started a fight.
My Hubby's argument is - He is family and then I am his brother - he can come over whenever he wants and even if your sis is coming, we are not going to change our plans. He is coming to celebrate christmas and new year eve with family - so no point telling him no.
My argument is - This is the first time ever someone is coming from my family (His folks have visited him twice - one of which is recent visit in JULY - where his parents and his brother were there for 1.5 months. (We are from India - so staying this long is kinda OK ) So I wanted to have our family time with no strings attached ( BIL is kinda lazy bum. Stay awake till late night ; Wake up late and will ask for food; Won't help in house chores at all. My husband at times ignores it ; other times complains to me - not to him).
My sis also not very comfy with BIL since she takes time to open up and she was really looking forward to spend time with us in States. I also wanted to have my sis have her special bonding with my kiddo who is 3.5 years. With BIL (with whom he has bonded well ) around, i guess he won't bond with my sister that well. I also wanted to have trips (which we will have) with just four of us - so that my kiddo has exclusive memories with my sister; but now when BIL will be there - this won't happen .
I never said that BIL is not welcome. My only wish was - Let us have some quality good time with one of the member from my family for 3 weeks and since this is first time anyone visiting from my family side. I was really looking forward to it and was getting all emotional .
Am I expecting wrong ?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist