AM I LIVING A LIE ?
Hi i have been married 4 years and we have no kids . Over the years we been together there have been some issues that bothered me very much, i need your advice on it because i can’t think straight ..
I don’t like it when he what is mine also his , for example : my house or my car , i worked hard for it and it is the way of my life achievement. After we married he moved in with me but he always unhappy if he heard i said “ my house/ my car .. “ it was just a normal thing because it was there before him . As achievement i believe nobody like to have other person claim it , also, no one with dignity would claim something that is not belong to them . And i would never want to say what is his also mine , because i respect his achievement.
i don’t like it when he sees my contribution and investment over our shop is nothing to him. This shop came after our marriage , he said it was his dream, i love him so i sold my car and took out my saving to put into it and he used his other relationship to have more stocks consigned, but he never put down his own money . I helped him run it so he can focus on his job at another company. After 4 years the shop not doing well anymore , he told me that he saw it coming that this will not last , so he has to focus to
build other business . I was very very sad inside my heart , after all, if this shop close i will be the one at loss the most .
The 3rd issues i had with him is about kid , he is very lazy and barely help with house works around , since we both work and contributed in some level , i believe he should help more when he can. Except he helped me with our 2 dogs like bathe them once a week and clean up after them in the morning before he go to work but if i am around he will asked me to help him pick up this and that every 5 or 10 mins . Come to think of it , i feel helpless by myself if we gonna have a baby together , will this gonna make him change to a better man or i will have to carry up everything ?
I tried to talk to him about all this issues , i have never heard things that sound more responsible than his anger toward me. Always end up with a fight , over and over , now i don’t even want to talk about these issues to him anymore just to avoid fighting with him.
I tried to tell myself that even though there is things i don’t like about him but also i still love him and hopefully things will get better ... i don’t know, i feel like i am lying to myself to get through the day . How to talk to my husband ...? how to make him understand ..?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist