Am I The Crazy One?
My boyfriend and i have been together for 2years now. The first year was amazing and he was everything to me. We couldn't get enough of each other. We didn't spend every minute of the day together; we still had our own lives and would go out with our friends. Neither one of us would be mad or upset for doing so. We thought it was great to be able to have each other and still have our friends.
One year later, he brought up the subject of living together. It sounded great. We got along so good. We had talked about location and meeting in the middle since our schools were in opposite direction. He didn't want any part of that. He didn't want to travel 50 minutes to school everyday. He asked if i would be willing to make a sacrifice and move to where his school was located.
So i did because sometimes you have to make sacrifices. I decided to drive an hour and 45 mins everyday to school and he drove one mile. Aso i had 2 jobs because i have always been pretty independent. Later on he made me quit my jobs because he wanted to see me more (my jobs were in the same town i went to school in).
He promised me he would take care of me in any way. He didn't have a job and he isn't much of a worker. He likes to focus on education. So he took it upon himself to take out a loan so we could pay rent and the other bills that come along, because i was no longer working.
About 2 weeks after i stopped working and i was home with him like he wanted me to be, he stopped coming home and went out with his friends every night. At first i didn't care; i thought it was good. But after a while, i felt it was pointless for me to quit my jobs that i had had for a very long time because, even though i was home every night after school to "spend time" with him, like he was never there.
So i was stuck in a town where i knew where nothing was, and i was hours away from my friends and family. All i had was him at this point because my friends kind of just stopped talking to me because i was never around. Or when they asked to hangout, i would have to say "no" because i had a long travel home, and my boyfriend was expecting me home. And he was paying for my gas. So i needed to go right to school and right back because we where on a budget and he didn't want me wasting his money running around with my friends.
He makes me feel like i owe him because he pays for everything. When we go shopping, we don't get food that i like because he doesn't
like it and doesn't want to spend money on something he doesn't want. He will get angry if i speak up and say something about it. It's pointless to even bother trying to say something because he will cut me off.
Sometimes i wonder if he loves me, and i'll ask him and he will be really sweet at that point, and say "yes baby. i love you. If i didn't i wouldn't have done the things i have done for you, like pay for your gas, food, a roof over your head, and i wouldn't put up with all the bitching. The one thing that gets on my nerves is dealing with all of the bitching."
Am i the crazy controlling girlfriend that he says i am, because all i want to do is spend a few hours together at-least once a week? Yes, i do get mad that he hangs out with his friends all the time, because i don't get to see him and all i can do is sit at home and wait for him to get home.
I find myself feeling very insecure when he hangs out with his friends now, because he will tell me they are doing one thing and then a couple days later i find out he wasn't doing what he said he was at all. Even if it's not something bad, it still makes me feel like he is doing something sketchy behind my back.
I just want him to tell me the truth. i wont get mad at him for doing what he is doing. I am just interested and want to start conversation. We don't hardly talk anymore and if we do, he will call me an "idiot" for thinking something that stupid or i am "nothing but a goober," and he will make fun of me for being Indian, saying i was "born into stupidity".
He is also really cocky and says that i am always wrong because he is always right. These are his exact words he says: "I believe that everything you do bad comes back to you. So everything that I do that's bad, I'm going to suffer for it. But in my heart, I believe what I'm doing is right. So i feel like I'm going to heaven." And that's how he will end the conversation.
i feel the only time he is nice to me is when he wants to get in my pants. Then, after that, he is gone and i don't see him until its time to go to bed.
Am i just being controlling because i get mad when he is always with his friends? That's what he tells me and i honestly don't know if i am being controlling. I just want to be with him and talk to him like it was in the beginning. I feel lonely even when he is around. I really do love him but it feels like he doesn't love me.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist