Am I the weakest link? Should I fight for him or leave?
I am 32 and a mother of a very cute 10 month old boy. My husband loves him a lot and the baby is already fancy him than me. But the problem is my husband is abusing me a lot for very much everything. He doesn't like the way I speak, eat, drink, dress etc. He is complaining about my post baby bum, like he forgot it is big because I was pregnant 10 month ago. He is complaining I am not pretty enough to go out with me. He went hysterical when I forgot to turn on the ventilation or switched off the bathroom light. Yes, i am really forgetful, specially after the baby birth.
Going out him is always a challenge for me. He picked my dress so I wear it whether I like it or not. Then he will complain about my hair or make up or the shoes or something else. If I dressed up to his standard then I should be careful to bring everything. He dress quickly and hurry me up. Then I get stressed and sometimes I forgot to bring something important. If i got everything then I should be careful to talk while accompanying him. He blames me I talk like an idiot. So I should have a super efficient filter to talk. If I keep quite he complains about not talking. If i talk freely he complains talking rubbish. Sometimes he just shout at me on the road and leave, ignoring the onlookers. There was only 5 or 6 days or less in these 6 years of our marriage that we had a good outing.
He never hold back considering my mental or physical status. Even he left on the road when I was pregnant, while I was struggling to walk. Just because I touch his face to wipe a dirt and accidentally pinch him. He blamed me for talking too much with friends, which means he hates she I know more about something than him and telling it to other. I was just having a good time with friends sharing thoughts and criticizing him was no where in my mind. He demand me not to talk something he doesn't know. So now I trying to do it. But still he command me to shut my mouth in front of others. He is not so much a talker, so he thinks I shouldn't talk
He is trying to cut me off my family and demand me not to take our baby to play with his cousins from my side. Because he thinks they are ill-behaved and a bad influence for the baby. Yes they are mischievous and like wined dolls, running all over the place. But isn't it the normal way of kids?
He is not happy for me helping my mother. She has some some money problems right now and I ask his permission to give some of my savings to her. Just a little amount as I don't have much savings and I don't work anymore. But it is my money, but still I should get the permission. He said if my mother can pay back as soon as possible it is ok. On the other hand he is going to buy a very expensive car to his parents as gift. I asked about it and he said it is different. And then he blamed for me about questioning him and shouted and get so angry. He left home without saying good bye to his baby. For now the baby doesn't know he left or when he is back. But what will happen when our kid is old enough to understand these things.
When he gets angry in the morning he always left home without saying good bye. No matter how hard I tried to avoid any bad feelings in the morning he is picking something to make him upset. And blame me for ruining his day. Well he blame me for all his faults. He thinks he is a superior he don't have any faults or weaknesses. He never admits his mistakes and I should agree when ever he said it is my fault. But sometime it is his fault. So I got annoyed and sometimes I shout back. But now i am tying to control my self for the sake of the baby.
But I am getting tried now. All I needed is a peaceful family life with less drama and bit of fight. But we fought whole day and it is like a horror movie sometimes.
I have some weaknesses too. I am not tidy like my husband. He is very disappointed about it too. But now he started to get messy to teach me a lesson. It is very hard with a little one to keep a house tidy and super clean.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist