I've been with my wife for close to 9 years. We got married on June 22, 2017. We have 2 children together, we have a 5 year old daughter ( born in 2013) and a 6 month old baby girl.
In May of 2015 my wife (at the time my girlfriend) cheated on me 3 times. I just found out about her infidelity on (I'll never forget the day) March 1st 2018. She didn't tell me the whole truth though. It took me another month of digging and questioning to get the full truth.
So it's been about two months now of me knowing now. At first things were so up and down, one day I'd love her and the next I wouldn't even be able to look at her. Things got a lot better, she really has been trying so hard to rebuild my trust and make our relationship more fulfilling and happy. The problem now is that ever since I found out, I have been falling more and more out of love with her.
The last few weeks I've have felt like I have no love left for her but I kept telling her I love her and miss her and just faked my way through it. I couldn't take lying anymore, so I told her the truth and I was going to move out. Of course she was devastated and cried herself to sleep. The next morning she woke me, crying her eyes out saying she wanted to get my love for her back. After thinking about it more I agreed to work on it. It's been a few days since then and I just feel awkward around her now.
She have even tried to tell me she loves me since, which is probably smart on her end because I just don't anymore. I feel nothing for her but resentment at this point. Every time I even start to feel any sort of good feelings toward her, I end up remembering about the cheating and all the lying and just end up sad and angry.
I don't know where to go from here. I know if I leave I'll be financially ruined. I'm a stay at home dad for the most part and she works 50+ hours a week. I have somewhere I can stay but I know if I leave I will have a long, rough road a head of me. If I stay, I fear I will only prolong both our misery and I don't know if I'll live her trust her again.
What do I do?