BF loves me (really), but doesnt want to ever get married :(
by Wants To Wed
I have been in an exclusive relationship with my BF of 3 yrs, who is a wonderful man to me. He loves me dearly, as I do him. He has made me a part of his life and of his family, (parents, siblings, children ages 17 and 22.)
He was married previously for 15 yrs, and divorced for 10 yrs now. He was in one serious relationship after that, and before me, for a couple of years. She left him because she gave him an ultimatum: "marry me or else". He said "no", and told her he never wanted to marry again.
Then he and I met and have been together ever since. I would like to marry this man one day, but as I said, this man doesn't want to ever get married again. Not even to me. My reasons for wanting to marry, are that I want that daily togetherness, and the security marriage (was meant to mean).
I have been married before, which was a particularly bad experience, 10 yrs ago. Now, I'm ready to have the kind of marriage I have always wanted. My BF and I spend weekends together, occasional weekdays, and all holidays together. But I feel sad and lonely sometimes, when he is not with me, and I feel that this far into our relationship, I shouldn't have to be alone this way.
Now, please don't think I'm needy or anything. I have plenty to do. My life is full with my job and child. However, it's that I feel that my BF and I, haven't followed the natural course of our relationship to its potential. We have spoken about living together next year, but it bothers me that I feel that he may feel pressured to even do that. He has never given me a reason for not wanting to ever marry again. I have asked, but he's never really been able to explain himself.
I cant see myself without this man. We are so compatible in many ways, and do love and respect each other . We are happy in every other way, except for this difference between us.
I don't want to change him. I accept him for who he is. But how can I make us both happy at the same time?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist