boyfriend broke up with me

by jill

I left my marriage of 12 years and started dating my boyfriend shortly after. He treated me so good, something I wasn't use to as my husband was emotionally unavailable. My boyfriend had been separated for 5 years and himself just got out of a one year relationship with a girl who he said tried to drive him and his son apart. I have heard he left his wife and son high and dry and he basically left his last relationship without closure. He told me he wanted to be with me forever.

We were together just over a year and I could feel him starting to pull away from me. He said I made him feel guilty for spending time with his son. His last girlfriend didn't get along with his son, and his son didn't want to see him. I think maybe he came into our relationship with his back up.

His family has said they have seen a huge improvement in him the last year, he wasn't drinking or smoking anymore. I have heard from his friends that he has a lot of internal demons to work through, likely his guilt for the way he left his son and wife. I am just so confused as his son loved my kids and got along with me quite well. He broke up with me because he has to focus on his son he says. I offered to let him do that and not see him as much and he said no. He asked for a break 5 weeks before our final break up. I called him every few days for the first couple of weeks and he said he needed time to see if there was anything left for our relationship.

Finally after 2 weeks of no contact I called and he said he didn't feel the same love for me anymore and we should break up. I asked if he would be okay never seeing me again as we shared a lot of emotional history together. He said that he hoped once the dust settles we can have coffee and be a support to one another. I asked him if later down the road when we worked out our own issues if there was a chance. He said he didn't know what the future will hold.

I'm at a total loss as he knew we had a great thing but he just built up a wall and wasn't willing to work things through.

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Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network