Boyfriend of 5 years uncertain about marriage

by Anonymous


I'm a 23 year old girl. I have been with my boyfriend of 5 years now (He's 26). Because it's always been my dream to marry young, and also since 5 years of being together is pretty serious, I've been trying to talk to my boyfriend to think about marriage or at least engagement.

But every time I try to talk, he always says something like "But I don't wanna marry until I'm 30" "Marriage is gonna mean the end of my freedom" "Only fools get married" or it's always "why do you always irritate me with these things" or some shit or the other, and it drives me insane to a point where I just lose it and start crying. He does not appear remotely even interested in the idea of marriage, and would definitely never have approached this topic had I not brought it up. What gives me more anxiety is that I'm moving to another city for further studies in a month, and he is not even showing the slightest bit of interest or certainty to come with me, or even join me in a few months time.

I feel now I should give a little background story here: two years ago, I found out he had been cheating on me with his ex for almost a year. He still is obsessed with his ex to this date (even though she has cut off all contact with him), and he still keeps making new accounts to stalk her and send her love letters. He was definitely most interested in marrying her, but when I approach the topic, he treats it like the most disgusting thought ever.

All this together literally gives me the worst anxiety and depression and I don't know whether to hang on or just leave completely and even forget the idea of wanting to marry this person.

(I know i'm gonna get called stupid for not leaving him earlier when he got caught cheating, so please before you bash me for it, know i've bashed myself enough, already more than you know)

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Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network