Change of heart about having a baby together.
I am very in love with my man. And we are approaching the next step which is marriage. I have a daughter (3) who he is now the loving and amazing father to, and he has two from a previous marriage who I love as my own.
When we first started dating, I didn't have any expectations or demands, I just wanted to be happy. He has done that in so many ways. Our family blended very easily. The kids decided they were siblings entirely on their own and we are truly a family. My man is the only person who sometimes slips and unintentionally makes me feel as if are not as blended.
When we first started dating, one of the first phone conversations he mentioned how he thinks 4 kids would be his max. Then, a little later in the relationship he expressed that he looks online for 7-seater cars because he wants to have a baby with me. For the first 6 months it became a thing for us. We often talked about the fourth, what it would be like, how hard it might be and there was always excitement around it.
We have been dating over a year now and without much notice, he has had a change of heart. We don't get that stressed out with the kids, our relationship is still Wonderful in so many ways. But he said, he doesn't think we could afford it, (we are doing ok) He has said things like, I want to experience things with just you, we never got that time that others get when dating.." He sometimes says, "we will see. Maybe it will still happen." He also has expressed that his ex wife changed a lot after having a baby.
The problem is, I'm 28, he's 40. Not only do I want another baby, but my body does. Pregnancy was so easy for me, I loved raising my baby and I did it alone the first time. After he started the baby talk I dreamed about what it would feel like to share that experience as a happy one with someone, instead of a scary one alone.
Now I have this man who I consider the ultimate dad and partner and I can't help it feel completely betrayed and heart broken that he just changed his mind. I have tried to change my own mind, think about all of the places we can travel etc. But I actually feel a pain in my stomach thinking about not having a baby together.
I can't leave him. We are good communicators and have talked about it. He knows that I still want one and if I bring it up again I fear it will push him farther away from wanting it. So I'm not even sure what kind of advice you can give, but if you have any, please share.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist