Christmas disaster: my family hates my husband
My husband myself and my 5 month old baby flew to my family's farm for Christmas for 2.5 weeks (sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, right?.) prior to this there was build up in the sense that my parents mentioned a few times that my sister and teen-aged niece had issues with the baby though they never met him . My Mom also complained my aunt probably only wanted to see my baby and not my niece before Christmas.
We get to the farm things are fine but my Mom is in a really bad mood yelling and screaming most of the time. She starts nitpicking on my husband over things like how he is cooking in the kitchen and complaining he isn't doing dishes even though he just cooked and just started eating.
Christmas eve comes around and I start feeling on edge. my sister brings up how she wonders how my other sister is going to handle the baby. I get stressed out and just say I'm not sure why I flew home if this is the case. My Mom started yelling and screaming at me so my husband grabbed the baby and went to the other room.
My sister didn't show up for the Christmas eve Mom planned until 9 pm, she does this every year. By that time we had eaten and opened presents because my brother's partners' family was having their Christmas. My sister comes in mad we had celebrated without her, then starts ranting about how my aunt probably only wants to see my baby and could care less about her.
Christmas day my sister starts nitpicking my husband and it's clear my sister and Mom are aligned. My husband has had enough and starts giving it back to my sister. My grandpa ended up in the hospital and my Mom took us there to visit. Her and my aunt aren't getting along so she cane in, yelled and my aunt left. She left us there to visit while she ran errands. Some how my husband started talking about why we got married and about God (not everyone likes hearing about that.) then briefly mentioned I had a bit of a rough pregnancy. When my sister got there my aunt yelled at her at the hospital because my husband talked about God and some other things. On the drive home I told my
husband not to talk about anything religious with my family and we git into a bit of an argument. then my Mom threatened him then my husband threatened him back. I arranged to have my son baptized and called my sister a few times to invite her but she never returned my phone calls so she didn't know about it until a few days before and said she planned to visit a friend that day so wouldn't be there.
My husband said I guess I know where your priorities are (I wish he hadn't, it was kind of my fault although the baptism is only half hour and she visited with this friend over a two day period so wouldn't have taken away from it. So they got into an argument.
She then complained over who I chose as God parents meanwhile she hadn't even held my baby yet. Any way the nitpicking never stopped (swearing and everything.) and my husband responded okay to my Mom but started making annoying sounds to my sister to drone her out. He spent 90 percent of his day in tge bedroom to avoided it all.
He did talk about them which they probably over heard. Other things happened but that's the gist of it. Any way we were treated like we were not welcome and were a nuisance just being there. It's upsetting because its not like my family will ever visit us and getting a hotel room and driving in -40 for 30 minutes every day to see everyone wasn't really an option especially since it would require renting a car and we spent so much as it was.
I am really upset. I hadn't seen my family in a year. My Mom called me today and said my husband ruined Christmas and apparently my grandpa and aunt were offended that my husband mentioned the condition I had during pregnancy and my Mom is embarrassed. My husband's family is open about everything and doesn't swear and yell at each other as a form of communication, so Im sure he didn't know how to handle it. As well he is annoyed that I received no support from my family during pregnancy or after, not even phone calls to check in.
I just don't see how to go about this. I support both sides. My family acted very dysfunctional but my husband should have reacted differently.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist