Confused on what to do after being abused
So I have been married for almost 4 years, we have one son and she is currently pregnant. I don't know what to do.
We started dating after high school and everything was going great until she moved in with me. I was the only one working and she would sit at home and insult me every time she saw me. Things like calling me a worthless bastard or asshole for wanting to relax when I got home. I tried spending as much time with her as I could but I needed to work 2 jobs to support us.
after dealing with this for 8 months, right before I was going to tell her to move out, she got pregnant, so I decided to suck it up and marry her. Throughout the pregnancy she needed to be seen by doctors on a nightly basis, her body was rejecting the fetus. so I would work from 7 am to 8 pm, then take her to the er for medical care almost every night.
Throughout this whole thing I supported her, I was there for her, I almost killed myself by taking care of her. I thought that as soon as the child was born everything would be fine, I was terribly wrong. As soon as our son was born she turned into a nightmare, she would cuss scream and threaten physical violence against me over the smallest of things. She later got diagnosed with post partim psychosis.
She tried to kill herself several time., I has to restrain her physically from hurting herself, all the while she would be punching and scratching me. One of the biggest things I remember of that time was taking care of our son by myself after working a 14 hour shift, she walked in coming back from her grandmother son house and immediately starting insulting me, calling me less of a man for not owning my own home ( we were renting ) and how I'm not a real man, right before she walked to our bed room she said she would rather sleep with my younger brother than me. I still haven't gotten that one out of my head.
She was institutionalized for 3 months at a psycho ward after one of her suicide attempts. For the first 7 months of our son's life I raised him myself while working 2 jobs and dealing with my abusive wife.
Once she came back from the hospital she was given a lot of medications to balance her out, they helped but barely. She stopped trying to hurt her self but kept threatening me.
For over the next year she was slowly getting better, but she has never really tried to make amends but has started to help out around the house. Our son is almost 3 now and she is pregnant. She has stopped insulting me constantly, does some of the house work and is trying to be a good mom to our son, but I've got an issue now.
After everything we have gone through, everything I have done to protect her and my son, I've fallen in love with someone else, it didn't happen on purpose it just happened. I haven't talked to this other person about it yet but I keep getting the feeling she feels the same way about me, she is also a friend to my wife but she does not know everything my wife has done, we don't talk about it to anyone.
Everyday I am reminded of the things she has done to me. I know she is trying to move past it. I just don't know if I can, me and her have nothing in common other than our children, and now this other women comes in and we can just talk for hours about life and she shows real interest in me, all I can think about is how much better my life would be with her instead of my wife, yet I don't want to leave my wife because she would have no way to support herself, and she is unable to take care of the day to day things.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I was ready to live like this till my kids were grown but now this other women has shown me how life can be, without the insults the threats, the constant reminders of what she did to me. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid to talk to the other women for fear of her rejecting me.
If anyone has any idea how I should proceed I'd greatly appreciate it. should I stay with my wife even though she has always been terrible to me for the kids? Or should I leave her for someone who would make me happy and actually care about me?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist