Confused on what to do!

by Anonymous

I've been with my husband for 21 years, married 14 and have 2 children. We have had lots of ups and downs. I feel as if he can only show love to one person at a time. When we had our first child, it was like I no longer existed. He is a great father. As the first grew older we ended up having another miracle baby and same thing. I feel as if our first born and I don't exist.

We have had our share of arguments, mainly about how different we parent our children or finances. How he parented was right and I was wrong even if it was the same thing. Over the years we have had many conversations on what we could do to better our relationship as in work on ourselves. I feel as if I'm the only one that put in any work to change certain behavior that would cause arguments or even resentment. I know that these were areas that I needed to work on to be a better mother, wife and overall person. It is still a struggle but I try to change and work on myself daily. With that being said I noticed that it really didn't change anything in our relationship.

Over the past few months I have really begun to despise him. The other night at bed time, we were arguing and I reverted back to my old ways and called him a name and it mad him extremely mad, which it should have. To make it worse I reflected it back at him by saying it doesn't feel good to be called names does it. He has been getting in the habit of calling me a couple names when mad. Anyway then what I think in unthinkable happened, he leaned over me and was either trying to hold me down or shake me or something, either way I yelled at him to get off and tried to push him which almost hit him and he then punched me in my arm. I then walked out the bedroom and he tried to follow and say we need to talk about this but I couldn't at the time, I didn't want to be in the same room with him.

I have been sleeping in a separate room. I just can't get that picture out of my head of him doing that and am not comfortable being around him. I don't know what to do. Is this something couples can move past and overcome it. Should I even want to at this point. I have a fear that if he gets mad again that he can just do it again or worse. We still haven't talked about it. I've been keeping myself separate from him. Any advice is appreciated.