Hi, I married a guy that was not a resident or citizen of the USA; he is a UK and Mexico citizen. He was here visiting his family that lives very close to me when we met. He is 10 years older then me. He told me he has never been married and no children however he wants children.
We married very shortly after meeting. We got along very well for the first year. I asked him if I could finish my degree when he was able to start working and he pay the bills and he said yes. He was not able to work in the USA for 1.5 years after our marriage. 2 months after obtaining his ability to work I told him I needed help financially. He told me he was not going to help till my 2 teens (almost 18 & 20 yo) started contributing. He then told me he was never planning on working for a company. He says he wants to be self employed. He started doing some self employment from his relatives home nearby. He told me he agrees to contribute $300 per week and keeps the rest of his earnings in a separate bank account. I told him I would like to set goals with him and plan to purchase a home because I’ve been renting and he says we can’t because of the situation. He told me if my sons didn’t live with us he would pay all the bills. He also stated that all of the household bills should
be split 50/50 between me, him, and my 2 young adult children. They both are just starting to get on their feet and I do not agree with this. They do not have vehicles yet and depend on mine currently. He has told me that I am a bad mom, I’m like talking to nothing, I’m weak minded and that he is more clever then I am with his work. By bad mother he says that my young adult children should be cleaning, paying and that I should be pushing them to do things. They do help when I ask just not daily. He leaves to his relatives early in the morning and does not come back till 8-10pm at night when he is ready to sleep and this is every day including weekends. He says he is there working extra full time. He spends a lot of his time with his family vs me/mine. He now wants to go back home for the holidays where all his family is gathering however I am behind on bills and have my family here to think about for the holidays. I can not afford a passport or plane ticket to go with him so he will be going without me. Anyways I don’t want to leave my children for the holidays. My sons father passed away and I am all they have. My sons are both contributing financially now and nothing has changed.
Where is the understanding, unconditional love, honor and respect? I am so confused. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!
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Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist
418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936