Counselor who reduced all counseling to "feelings."

by Lynn
(Denver)

I found a counselor for me an my wife. He was a great guy I thought. My wife, to be frank, makes up some pretty outlandish accusations. Huge exaggerations to twist situations into making herself seem the "victim" in all situations. In short, she lies and lies a lot. BUT if you try to calmly discuss any of her accusations, she refuses and goes into a rage.

I told the counselor about this and he agreed to mediate conversations so we could finally, calmly examine these outlandish false accusations.

He lied. She had met with him and I am guessing she convinced him somehow that her stories were true. (Other counselors easily concluded she was lying.)

WELL, we all got together and he introduced something interesting. He decided that anything she said was "true" because feelings can't be wrong. And she "feels" her accusations are true, THUS they are true and will be treated as such.

I was not allowed to give my version. She brought up a horrid accusation. (A paranoid lie) He began discussing it as if it had actually happened. He only wanted to focus on how I could do such a horrible thing and how it must have made her feel! I attempted to say that we needed to discuss this. He refused. (angrily might add) I stated that she was making it up and a discussion of a few facts would show this. He refused. He said it only matters how she feels and how this act made her feel. (this "act" never happened) I said that I should be able to have a say in this accusation.

Nope. He said, "this is how she feels" so that is all the facts we need. SO, we had a LONG discussion about how horrible I made her feel with I did this thing (that never happened.)

After it was all over (without me ever being able to give my side), I asked him if I could finally bring in some facts. He exploded in anger! I left the session at that point. Later, I wanted a list of people he was accountable to so he could be reported. He said he would provide it, then backed out and severed communication.

YEARS LATER, my wife told me that he told her (after she told her sob stories) that I was a controlling husband and he would put me in my place. Nope. Wanting to have a full discussion is not controlling.

We went to 4 more Great counselors. ALL allowed ALL conversation: feelings and facts. Their conclusion- she was extremely controlling, manipulative and constantly lied and fabricated stories to make herself the victim. My guess: She is an attractive woman and can tell convincing sob stories. I think this counselor bought her stories and decided to come to her rescue BEFORE he heard enough to realize he was being lied to.

FINALLY, after years, she is getting psychological help. She suffers for paranoia and sees herself as a constant victim WHEN in reality, she causes the problem and is an abuser.