Couples therapy? I dunno... you tell me.
My boyfriend and I had gone to couples therapy for a year and a half. Our counselor was a young intern who had to work for a cheap facility for experience to lock in a career. Well... being as this was my first experience with counseling, I didn't know what to expect. So here are some telltale warning signs that you may need a new therapist.
If your counselor admits to not doing her homework in college, you may need a new therapist.
If your counselor wears skirts that barely covers her crotch, you may need a new counselor.
If your counselor talks about how her father has a drinking problem, or talks about their own problems at all, you need a new counselor.
If you tell your counselor you feel insecure because your boyfriend admitted being attracted to her (the counselor), and her response is: "So what does that have to do with anything", you need a new counselor.
When you tell your counselor you feel uncomfortable and feel insecure when he talks to other women, and her response is, " Well that's a little selfish", you need a new counselor.
If your counselor giggles maniacally at the fact that she and your boyfriend have so much in common, you need a new counselor.
If you tell your counselor that you feel depressed and angry cuz your boyfriend cheated on you and you can't help but fight all the time, and her response is "Don't talk about the cheating", and you get depressed to the point that you can't tell
anyone how you feel and have suicidal thoughts, you need a new counselor.
When you explain to your counselor that you have constant anxiety and fears, and explain how you connect situations to make you feel anxious and your counselor tells you that she has never met anyone who thinks like that and makes you feel like an alien, you need a new counselor.
When your boyfriend talks in session and your counselor's pupils are huge and she crosses her legs and swings her chair around directly to face him, playfully twisting her hair around her finger, she may not only be at full attention, but attracted to your boyfriend. When you speak and her body is facing your boyfriend And her head is slightly turned towards you in half attention as you talk, you need a new counselor.
Yes, this is all from the same counselor i endured for a year and a half. I know you are probably wondering why I stayed with her so long. Well, for the first time in my boyfriend's and I relationship, he was telling me how he felt- mostly on the way home from counseling. At 20 bucks a session, it was worth learning how my boyfriends brain worked. And when you get to the point in a relationship that you have to salvage what you have left, you do everything you can to keep the one you love.
But yes, if I had to redo it all again and I had more money, I would have paid the extra to get a different counselor.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist