Covid -19 affecting my trust issues with boyfriend (Sorry long)
Dating my boyfriend about 1 ½ years. For the most part we have a good relationship. We have both been cheated on in our previous relationships (My x cheated on me with his xgf). We both have trust issues; where as I am vocal of mine and he is quiet. He has a special needs child that is very difficult. His child likes me but his ex-wife who cheated on him has tried in the past to ruin his relationships through his child. We go to therapy every other week (he goes once a week). I also have a hard time forgiving people.
We had two issues in our relationship that were very hurtful for me. Due to my past these issues may appear minuet to others but was major for me.
Issue #1: After dating three months, both of our exes tried to reach out; not taking “no” for an answer. We discussed this. I told Boyfriend that ex was reaching out trying to get back together. I said to boyfriend, “Ex has started reaching out, asking to get back together, I told him I was dating someone and I was not interested. He wouldn’t take “no” for an answer and continued to reach out and I blocked him.”
Boyfriend said to me, “If that is your way to tell me to block ex-girlfriend I’m not doing it.”
I broke up with him right there. He regretted saying that and blocked her. We got through it and went to his counselor and I told him that I felt like he was putting her above me and cared more about her than me. He said his xw (Who cheated) always ordered him around and told him what to do and he felt defensive and I was TELLING him what to do. His therapist told me that he has been seeing her a long time and that he always told her that he had no intention of getting back with her, they discussed how much she hurt him and how happy he was/has been since we began dating and how I am so much better/a better woman/relationship then her.
Issue #2: After dating a year we
decided to introduce the kids. We discussed the importance of no looking back as my kids were devastated after I dumped my cheating x. We discussed that once we do this, there is no going backwards (As his xw has ruined his relationship with the x mentioned in this post). We agreed no looking back. We introduced kids and things were going well, I felt I was finally forgiving him for the “no block’ comment.
His ex began trying to meddle and instead of him standing up to her he stopped all hang outs with all kids and I, and started hiding us from his son. After months of arguing and almost ANOTHER BREAK UP, he admitted that his xw told his son we were going to get married, he was going to adopt my kids and he was going to forget about him (His son).
We have been going to counseling to deal with this, the counselor is helping him get his son readjusted to me/my kids in his life (Through phone calls as we have not been doing hangouts as they are in a custody battle) and I felt that we were slowly getting back to the way it was. He has apologized profusely over and over and over again (Because I am still hurt and still bring it up).
Now due to Covid-19 my hurt feelings are back as I don’t know where this world is going. I am a nurse and have to work, he is in computers/IT and was hired by the city to do emergency management and has to work 2 days/week and the rest at home. My xw has compromised health and is caring for his sick mom so it was decided that our teens stay with me. So, no more date nights as I want to be home with my kids as much as possible.
Therapy is closed due to Covid-19. The pain and hurt over my two issues have overwhelmed me and we had the worst fight we have ever had. We get along well and have had arguments but were always able to get through it. How do I forgive and get over this? Are we/I doomed?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist