Now Offering Online

Couples Counseling

Daughter Avoids me after Divorce

by Gayle
(Colorado)

My ex-husband just passed away. We divorced 8 years ago due to his request after being married for 30 years. I found out after the fact that he was in an affair with a women for the last four years of our marriage. It was difficult, but I moved on and remained friends with my ex-husband.

He had put our youngest daughter in a difficult position when she found out about the affair with a letter he had written on her computer when the affair first started. She kept this horrible secret to herself until she finally realized we were divorcing and called me crying to confess how sorry she was that she kept that secret. She has had counseling because of this awkward position her father had put her in. It broke my heart when I found out what he had put her through. I tried to get her to forgive her father over the years as I was trying to keep the peace in the family.
My ex-husband never told my oldest daughter that he had an affair. It basically avoided telling anyone the truth of the situation and they were left to assume.
The day my husband asked for the divorce, I asked him about our two daughters in all of this and how would they be affected. He stated that they would be fine because they were adults. Unfortunately, our family has never been the same.
Fast forward 8 year, my youngest daughter had quit speaking to her father because he told so many lies since he was with this affair with his mistress who is eventually married. I do have a wonderful relationship with my younger daughter since we both were traumatized by his affair and most effected.
I feel like I was the victim in all of this when I was the one trying to hold our family together. I never bad mouthed my ex-husband and moved on with my life.
Every time I have attempted to bring up the topic to try explain my side of the story to my oldest daughter she simple tells me she doesn't want to talk about it.
I feel like I was the one that did everything I could to save our marriage/family and she has no idea how I suffered through the divorce when I lost everything. I moved forward and am happily married with a great life except that my oldest daughter will not talk to me. I have been supportive and loving to her and feel so disrespected when she does not return my calls or texts. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do.
Sad Mom in Colorado

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.


Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.


"You gave us counseling without making either one of us feel that you were taking sides.
You always maintained your impartiality with us. You encouraged Rita to be more assertive in stating what she wanted to get from your counseling sessions, as well as what she wanted to get from the relationship.
You taught both of us better communication between ourselves, which lead to an emotional comfort level between us that didn't exist before.
You took control of the direction of the session if things were not moving along.
Thanks so much
for helping us."

Rita and Mark

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network