I have been with my husband for 30 years. When I first came into the family, his brothers wife blanked me for a long time until she realized I was a long-term thing. She and my husbands sister are close and I felt intimidated by them. They had lots of money and were confident whereas I had not much money and didn't feel confident about hosting.
Over the years my husbands sister has been keen to tell me that our sister in law doesn't like me. I looked after my sister in laws children all the time, she had pnd and so left her children with me a lot. I also had depression and they were a handful but I never said no to her, especially at weekends so she could play hockey, we all holidayed together as a big family but I am always the one they like to be negative about, eye rolling. I am not as confident as them and feel awkward around them. They also leave my children out and favour my sister in laws which is because of me I suspect.
My husband and his brother are quite competitive and after a silly argument fell out. Consequently My brother in law deleted me from FB as did his 3 daughters who I always thought loved me and who were bridesmaids at my wedding. I had spent a lot of money on their dresses, hair and fake tan so was hurt by their rejection. I spent more on them than my own wedding ring which cost £35 from a pawn shop.
I feel embarrassed and awkward at family occasions where our paths cross because they all hate me. We bumped into my brother in law in the local pub and I put my arm around him and said we should make amends and that I thought he always saw me as
a sister. He leapt to his feet in front of everyone and shouted at me to get off him, he didn't like me. I was humiliated. My husband looked on and did nothing. I am hurt by my husband as recently my daughter got married and he insisted on his brother and sister being guests. Over the years they have excluded me from helping prepare for their mums 70th, driven off at a funeral and left me behind when I had asked if i could follow them to the wake as uncertain of the way, laughed in my face when I turned to them for help when I suspected my husband of a one night stand. My sister in law offered to have my 6 year old son on the night of my wedding but didn't so he slept in between me and my husband in our hotel room. All her daughters were bridesmaids and I had to change the dresses because her eldest didn't like the dress. Dedlite all that, she didn't even have my son for that one night.
They hate me and it causes problems between my husband and I as he doesn't stick up for me or recognize why I am hurt. Its caused a wedge. One time I won a competition and gave the prize to my brother and sister in law as we couldn't accept it yet they are still so happy to put me down and make me feel horrible about myself, they have accused me of being jealous.
I want to run away from them all. I feel so hurt I cause arguments with my husband. I feel bitterness and pain because there are a group of people who dislike me for being me and have nothing nice to say about me. I feel wretched. I am here crying. i wonder if I am really so horrible after all.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist