Do I stay or do I go?
I don’t know where to start… My BF and I began dating and I was under the impression he had 2 daughters and been divorced 3 years…. later down the road I was scrolling through his pics and noticed there was repetitive pics of a toddler. When I initially saw them I thought it was his younger daughter as a baby, not looking at the dates on the photos but then I came across a pic of all 3 girls. So I asked him and he said the child may or may not be his. About a month later he did a DNA test and she was. She was 18 months old at this time. By then we were already an official couple and talking about moving in together.
We moved in together and that same weekend the mother of the baby flipped out. I didn’t understand WHY she was so mad and doing such crazy crap. Turns out, they had been seeing each other behind my back. He never told her about me, and I had no idea he was still seeing her. She was one of those that blackmailed him for child support, stalked, followed, etc. Trust me, I have seen the crazy and lived the crazy she has caused.
We had a long talk and after a couple weeks, we decided to put it behind us. So we moved in together and she was a thing of the past and we blended our family. I have 4 kids, he has 3. Talk about a lot of work. For the 1st 2 months of us living together I had to deal with the ex saying she was pregnant, stalking, harassing, etc. It was HELL. I have never in my life met someone so kniving and crazy. The stuff she comes up with and
does just blows my mind.She is 33 with a mindset of a 16 year old.
One day I get an email from her and long story short, he has cheated with her again. Multiple times. She had 250 pages of convos from the past 3 weeks, and recordings of phone conversations and happily sent them to me. At this point our kids were so intertwined, our finances intertwined and my 15 year old is SO close to him. So again, I forgave him. We now share email accounts, share passwords, and even have the Life 360 app. I trust him, however I do not trust THEM together.
I’m going to skip to now. He hasn’t seen the little girl in 5 months. It has been peaceful. Mom is still off her rocker, and mom has even began talking to my ex husband. She tries her pranks and crazy crap but we do not engage or respond. He has now decided he wants to see the baby again (who is now 2) and I feel like a horrible person for saying this but I just don’t think I can do it. We already have our hands full with the children we have, he works 6 days a week so I always have his kids and mine, and I just can’t have this woman in my life. It’s bad enough she talks to my ex. But more so because I just can’t trust the 2 of them together. I am going to analyze every move he makes.
Can anyone help me maybe see a side I am not seeing? Or do I just cut my losses and walk away? I think I would rather be heartbroken for a month over the break up than have to worry if those 2 are being sneaky again for the next 5 years….
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist