Doubts

by Annie
(Suffolk)

I’m struggling whether to stay or go!

I have been struggling for a while now, over a year and a half with relationship doubts. I have been with my husband for 6 years, married for 4 and our little boy is nearly 3. you do the Math, we rushed things. Although it felt right at the time.

Everything came to a head for us at Christmas 2017 after a trip we took went badly, from then we talked and for a couple months things were better because he listened to my Concerns and changed and upped his game! I felt better, not 100% but I felt much more happy and much more settled. This has lately become a problem for me again, I have been looking elsewhere for excitement and I just don't feel like my husband and I are connected on a deeper level.

The same kind of connection you have with friends or family, where no matter what they say or do, you still love them? unconditional love I guess, you don't always get on but its ok because you wouldn't be without them? That feeling is missing, I've analyzed and other thought it so much that I am unsure what I even think.

The other issue is, my husband is a good man, a really good man, he is loyal, hes the first person who was patient enough to please me in bed (when i actually feel like i want to have sex - it isn't very often and I often look forward to being on my period so i have a genuine reason),

he is a good dad, in fact, its the one thing that we both agree on, is how to raise our son, our son is the happiest little boy around too.

Its not that I don't like my husband and can appreciate that I could do ALOT worse, its just the fact that I feel so doubtful all the time. I feel like I don't respect what he says and if we are arguing I don't believe or agree what he says!Hes very placid, and patient but at the same time I don't want a relationship where someone is horrible to me?

I'm full of contradictions.

So as you can tell, I'm lost. I can see a life right in front of my eyes that is good and great and where there will never be money worries etc but I just cant feel excited about it? I don't want to plan anything - could it be a deeper anxiety thing within me and I am projecting on to my husband because I know I can, or is it just that I'm not happy in my relationship :-/