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Emotionally Abusive Marriage, no one to talk to

by Liz
(USA)

Hello there! I've been with my husband for almost 17 years, we have 3 young children. Over the years my husband developed a serious mental issue with doctors, it's weird but he perceives anything with doctors is sexual. He's been to the odd therapy session but never follows through, and admits he will never change his mind.


Any doctor appointment I had while I was pregnant got worse with them, he didn't want anyone touching me. After my third I had a close call and bled to much and the male doctor had to get involved and check me out. My husband did not like that. Luckily baby was healthy and I survived, it was very scary for me and I was just happy to be safe after. He attacked me in the private hospital room with words and threats and how I did something wrong for letting the doctor touch me and help save me. I was devastated. I just wanted to enjoy our perfect baby and was so happy and he ruined it for me and treated me so poorly. I'll never forget it.

This is one example. I'm not allowed to get pap smears, not that I really want to anyway. He spazes out and yells at our children and very impulsive. He treats his previous childhood family better than me.

He dismisses and yells and storms off if I bring up an issue. He will get mad if I bring up anything remotely related to doctors and say I started it...like I've messed up.

So....that's just some
of it. I don't feel connected with him anymore. I feel sorry for myself. My issue is I have no one I trust to share my feelings with....no one. And we can't afford counseling to really make it work...we've been and it didn't do anything...and then benefits are up and we can't afford 100 for 1 hour...which I think is ridiculous.

I have friends but not close enough that I trust and would gossip. My mom isn't supportive and also has been abusive to me and doesn't show respect or boundaries. I want to be strong for my children ... But I don't want to waste my time anymore... I am happy in all other areas of my life except the mental issues my husband has, it's very hurtful. And he doesn't care about me feelings. He's selfish, people pleaser to others and very fake. Everyone thinks he's a nice guy but he's really not...

I don't want to live in an apartment with my kids....we have a great house and I am soooo busy and tired with life everyday with my kids...I can't handle anymore...I can't live with my mom she's just as abusive and not supportive. I know it sounds silly but I wish someone or another man could save me...but I never have the opportunities, I am a pretty woman and very caring and loving and trapped....

I feel like living only for my kids ..I love them so much and would do anything for them to be happy...but I want to be complete too. What do I do?

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"You gave us counseling without making either one of us feel that you were taking sides.
You always maintained your impartiality with us. You encouraged Rita to be more assertive in stating what she wanted to get from your counseling sessions, as well as what she wanted to get from the relationship.
You taught both of us better communication between ourselves, which lead to an emotional comfort level between us that didn't exist before.
You took control of the direction of the session if things were not moving along.
Thanks so much
for helping us."

Rita and Mark

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network