Now Offering Online

Couples Counseling

Fiance could be a liar

by Pammi
(India)

I've been chatting and talking with my fiance over the last 4 5 months. Over time through his childhood stories learnt how he used to lie to his parents and do things he wanted. He borrowed money from parents say for study related stuffs or travel to school/college but instead used to buy stuffs along with his friends be it phone, bike without parents knowing of it. Even after parents learnt about this and disapproved and shouted at him he seemed to have continued such acts like using parents money for something else he would like to do during degree life as well.


Initially I thought okay at young age he would have done and now he is earning well enough too there is no need to lie or hide things. However he does hide about certain things from his parents say about boozing, as they do not approve of it.

I fear what if such habit of lying/hiding continues later on as well. So far he has been quite open with me about his life. But later, what if maybe he hides things from me when he knows i wont approve him doing certain things. He could continue betraying my trust as he has done all this while to his parents. Also one thing I have observed lately is, sometimes first says one thing later says no I just said like that. I get confused if he is saying the truth or
not, should I take it seriously or not.

But there is one thing I recently found out due to which I'm thinking about all that I mentioned above. I kinda feel maybe I've been ignoring all this for so long. The thing I found out was about his academics. On some research from my end as I got certain doubts, he happened to have repeated a year in school/college. That is not of much concern for me. My main concern is why did he not mention about it during all our talks. The way he used to tell about his school college life he never brought this up. I did ask a few questions like the years he did his schooling, college, graduation. Seems like he also came up with some things of school college in a way I believe. I initially did believe but later for some reason I felt I had to check about it and figured it out that he has been hiding about the year he has repeated.

I will for sure raise this point with him. But, say he agrees about this and gives a valid reason about all this, I'm not sure later on post marriage too he will be honest or he can again get back to his behaviour of lying which he has been used to for so long.

I'm not sure how to go about with this and how I can confront him about this.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.


Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.


"You gave us counseling without making either one of us feel that you were taking sides.
You always maintained your impartiality with us. You encouraged Rita to be more assertive in stating what she wanted to get from your counseling sessions, as well as what she wanted to get from the relationship.
You taught both of us better communication between ourselves, which lead to an emotional comfort level between us that didn't exist before.
You took control of the direction of the session if things were not moving along.
Thanks so much
for helping us."

Rita and Mark

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network