Fighting for my needs
(Bridgwater, Somerset, england)
I've been in a relationship for two years. The first 6 months he went completely overboard impressing me and making everything romantic...(Im old and wise enough to know that doesn't last) but he's become the complete opposite since.
I've had to REALLY fight for him to respect my boundaries. He works nights and thought it was perfectly OK to barge in loudly and tell me about his problems at 5am, or touch me up to instigate sex at a similar time, when I'm fast asleep and had to get up for work. He wouldn't respect that I needed sleep and it took 6 months or more to get through to him.
He also touched me really hard and hurt me, he said he couldn't help it, but it's not true... Again, months of arguing.
I can't say anything to this man without him getting angry and defensive. If I say, 'please don't drive like that you're scaring me' he'll get really irate and say 'I'd normally drive much worse without you here'. Please touch touch me like that it hurts 'I'm not touching you hard' etc etc.
He turns everything back around in me, tells me things aren't happening that are and NEVER listens to what matters to me.
If I decide to stay quiet and not complain he follows me around pushing and pushing for what the problem is, then shouts, denies and gets shitty with me. Then has a go that I've complained, trust me, I'm not moaning about every little thing, just the things that matter.
I'm doing something no one should do in a relationship, thinking back to how lovely he used to be and its pointless, I know it is.
I just keep thinking if I explain myself this way, or try that. This time he'll make an effort. Deep down it's not true and I know it, but I'm just gutted that I've been fooled into a relationship with someone that only cares about themselves again 😭
Anyone had similar?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist