Fighting with husband

by Stacet

My husband got back from work, i had made dinner and not had anything to eat all day so i get to have dinner with him.

When he got home i told him i am sooo hungry and starving. We sat to have dinner, i couldn't wait to start i was literally starving. He got up and went to check the AC as he felt hot. Then he came back and was like the AC is surely not working properly you need to call someone to get it fixed tomorrow. So i said ok, as i waited for him to sit back down so we can have dinner. Then he said, it gets really hot here in the summer the AC won't handle such heat, you need to call someone tomorrow to get it fixed. I nodded waiting to start. Then he said, because right now it is not giving any proper heat, so you need to call someone tomorrow and get it fixed. He literally repeated the same sentence at least 3 times in less than 20 seconds. So i said, God, Okay! I did not yell or anything, but I didn't say it too quietly.

He looked at me with disgust and said with a high tone, you're just like your parents are, you're like your mother! How she treats your father and how she talks to him you're just like your mother.

And i said please, you've repeated the same sentence to me 4 times, i understand i need to call someone tomorrow, all i want right now is for us to just eat peacefully.

But he kept saying that i'm just like my mom. My mom recently lost her mind. Probably has dementia. She stopped moving her body altogether and she thinks we are in 1972. It all happened so suddenly she barely even communicates
back with me. I am very far away from her because i left my job, my home country, my parents to be with my husband in the country he works in.

This sudden drop in my mom's mental health and the fact that i cannot be with her because airports are closed has been weighing on me a lot! I have been stressed and very emotional and worried because of it. And for him to mention her like that just crushed my heart.

I told him i could not eat anymore as I don't feel like eating anymore and i left the table.
He called me over from the kitchen in an non apologetic way saying come eat don't pretend like you are right. Instead, i just stayed in bed. He went in to the bedroom, pulled me hard by my underwear to get me out of bed but i did not. Then he said ok your loss, you get upset because I said the same sentence twice.

Later i went to him and tried to explain that what he said hurt me and he started shaking his head sarcastically telling me: "poor you, you still don't know when you are wrong"

I told him all i said was god okay.
He said yeah but it was in a higher tone than normal and that whenever i do an action it is bound to have a reaction. He said this is for me to learn next time to realize i did a mistake. And that he did nothing wrong he just stated a fact.

It really broke my heart to hear him say these words. He is describing me as someone who snaps quickly and telling me that i have a problem.

I don't know what to think anymore. I really need help and someone else's take on that.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network