High expectations

by Irene
(New York)

My husband would like me to perform oral sex on him every night to help him go to sleep. The problem is that sometimes I am too tired or just not in the mood. Sometimes I just force myself to do it to get him off my back and then I feel dirty, resentful and upset in the morning. If I don’t, he is distant in the morning and I feel guilty.


He suffers from chronic pain and has trouble sleeping in general. He takes Valium and muscle relaxants but they don’t always work. During the day he will say things like “I’m so tired, I need my sleep tonight. Will you help me?” I feel very uncomfortable with this whole situation as for me, intimacy should be based on feelings and being close to someone.. What can I do?

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