High expectations

by Irene
(New York)

My husband would like me to perform oral sex on him every night to help him go to sleep. The problem is that sometimes I am too tired or just not in the mood. Sometimes I just force myself to do it to get him off my back and then I feel dirty, resentful and upset in the morning. If I don’t, he is distant in the morning and I feel guilty.

He suffers from chronic pain and has trouble sleeping in general. He takes Valium and muscle relaxants but they don’t always work. During the day he will say things like “I’m so tired, I need my sleep tonight. Will you help me?” I feel very uncomfortable with this whole situation as for me, intimacy should be based on feelings and being close to someone.. What can I do?

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.

Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network