His Ex Sharing inappropriate information with me
Hi! I'm in a weird position.
My fiance's Ex and I are cordial. Every now and then she'll say things to him that are less than kind, but for the most part, we get a long for the sake of the kids involved.
Sometimes, when the stars align (for lack of a better phrase), she and I are alone together.
She will use this time to tell me things that are downright inappropriate to share with me about him, his family, and their failed marriage. She does it ever so innocently though-- Saying this information in a nonchalant way. More often than not, this information she shares is not kind toward my fiance and his family and it kinda hurts me.
I normally just listen to her and just nod and then go on my way.
Well, she has begun to repeat herself more and more and has been adding in details about their past. And all of this is unwarranted, mind you. We will be talking about how well-behaved her kids are and she will say something like, "yeah, they are good. That's because they're not in the environment they WERE in before." And then she'll go on and on about what a terrible father he was and how his family is terrible, blah blah blah.
This past exchange of words, she really upset me. I started thinking how disrespectful this is not only to HIM but to me.
What is her goal?
I have an ex husband too, and I would never ever think of shaming him to anyone-- even if I thought he WAS a POS husband. I am more than kind to his new wife and I just don't understand why my fiance's ex can't do the same.
My question is: What do I do or how do I approach this?
Do I kindly tell her to stop?
Do I ignore it?
Do I let HIM handle it?
I fear that if I speak my mind, that she will find some way to make a scene about it and I just want to keep the peace. But I'm not sure if this can go on any further without me saying what's on my mind.
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist