How do I forgive my soulmate for cheating?

by anonymous

We have been married for 16 years, two kids and have (or had) an amazing relationship. I love this woman more than anything and feel completely blindsided because I never thought she could do this in a billion years...

Last week she confessed to me that almost 10 years ago when she was out of town with one of her friends for a weekend, they were out in a bar, drinking pretty heavily, and she let a guy come back to their hotel with them in the cab. Her friend went up to their room and went to bed but, my wife stayed in the lobby with him, talking, and eventually ended up in the lobby bathroom together – a "5 minute lapse of judgement."

She explained that she was "not in her right mind" that night. We had recently gone through a miscarriage and she said she felt like she was struggling with guilt and felt like she/her body was to blame and wanted to be destructive and felt like it was the only way she had control of her body. I guess at the time she just couldn't realize that what she gave away that night was something that was so very sacred to me even though she really doesn't remember much about it.

I am crushed, and even though it happened 10 years ago, for me it feels like it just happened last week when she confessed it to me. Our miscarriage was tough on both of us as she actually delivered at home. It was just us alone who had to deliver our stillborn daughter. We held each other for days after and I always felt that it brought closer to have survived that event together.

How do I not let 5 minutes in a hotel lobby bathroom destroy 15+ years with my soul mate?