Now Offering Online

Couples Counseling

Husband cheated

by Kim
(Janesville )

My husband had a 4 month affair on me. I found out something was going on in the middle of october. He denied it until about the middle of November then confessed. He continued the relationship for a couple more weeks... essentially rubbing it in my face telling me how they are in love. The middle of december they ended up breaking it off (he told me it was mutual, but I think it was her breaking it off).


I had in the meantime filed for separation. He begged me for another chance that he was sorry and would prove it. I legally postponed our separation the middle of January. For a few days he seemed like he was trying. He now is back to staying out until 3am.. 430am.. talking to different women on the phone for hours (he gets mad at me and says they are just friends and im trying to take his friends away). He does nothing to go out of his way to help our situation. He blames me for being hurt for too long and reminding him/ questioning him constantly.

He waivers back and forth and tells me he doesn't love me one day and the next day he will tell me he loves me again. I know something is wrong with his mental stability and he did go to 1 session of therapy last week and has another one scheduled this week. We start marriage counseling on feb 21st (which he currently says is pointless if he doesn't love me anymore; however, he was the one that made me call and set up appointments).

I want a happy marriage with him. We have been together for almost 16 years and married for 7 years. We have two children. I think he thinks that he missed out on something in life by being with me for so long.

How do I make him see that our life together is worth it? Should I just give up and move on? The majority of my family and close friends think he will never change back to who he was. I can't stop thinking about everything we've been through together and all the plans we had.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship and Counseling Forum.

If you would like to receive the Couples Guide Newsletter containing articles on relationships, please sign up below.


Visit  The Relationship Forum  to get and give advice on your relationship issues.

If you're struggling with your relationship, this is the place to talk about it!
Our counselors will answer your questions.
And you, our readers, can offer advice from your experience.


"You gave us counseling without making either one of us feel that you were taking sides.
You always maintained your impartiality with us. You encouraged Rita to be more assertive in stating what she wanted to get from your counseling sessions, as well as what she wanted to get from the relationship.
You taught both of us better communication between ourselves, which lead to an emotional comfort level between us that didn't exist before.
You took control of the direction of the session if things were not moving along.
Thanks so much
for helping us."

Rita and Mark

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network