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I don’t love him

by Anonymous

Hi I’ve been with my other half 12 years, married for 3, we have 3 beautiful children. For a while I have felt myself drifting away from him, before Christmas I told him I wanted to separate and he was distraught and acted in a way I didn’t appreciate, calling his mum straight away, going into the children’s bedroom straight away and telling them mummy doesn’t love me anymore etc.


I felt really guilty for upsetting him so agreed to try marriage counseling knowing full well it wouldn’t change the way I feel. It never happened and I’m still here in this marriage. He has done and said some things in the past that I just can’t get past, he knows this and thinks I should just forget about it. He has a temper and knows that this is one of the major issues for me and he has tried to calm down and he has somewhat but I think it’s too late.

I can’t stand to sleep with him and a lot of the things he does irritates the life out of me. He constantly gropes me, I mean constantly, in front of the kids which I have told him so many time I feel is inappropriate but he continues to do it and then makes me feel bad when i say stop. When I’m in the bath or getting changed he is there “looking” at me, I tell him I sometimes want to have a bath or get changed without being perved over but again he continues to do it and makes me feel like I’m being horrible when I raise the issue. As well as blowing up about everything and being a really negative person.

I just don’t know what to do. He is a nice person sometimes and I know he loves me and my kids

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"You gave us counseling without making either one of us feel that you were taking sides.
You always maintained your impartiality with us. You encouraged Rita to be more assertive in stating what she wanted to get from your counseling sessions, as well as what she wanted to get from the relationship.
You taught both of us better communication between ourselves, which lead to an emotional comfort level between us that didn't exist before.
You took control of the direction of the session if things were not moving along.
Thanks so much
for helping us."

Rita and Mark

Eugene Kayser, MA, MFT's profile on the Gottman Referral Network