I just don't know what to do anymore.. serious problems / fiance / family life / financial crisis / mental health
*Very long story here and I'm looking for some serious advice. Please don't judge, I need help, not someone looking down on me. This is my last hope....
I'm very lost on what to do. I don't even know anymore. I've got some really bad issues going on in my life and I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to making a post about it. But I feel as though I really have no choice because of all the problems that's going on for the past few years that has been building up to a tremendous amount..
I'm a woman (24 yrs) engaged to my fiance (23 yrs) and we have a son (2 yrs). Have been with my fiance for over 3 years now and we have a house in my name, of which we are losing to foreclosure (more than likely sometime this year). I had a car in my name as well, but that was taken from me after an elderly woman crashed into it when my fiance was driving it, totaling my car in the process earlier this year. Huge headache dealing with the insurance company since the woman was intentionally avoiding the insurance claim.. Luckily it was ruled out not my fiance's fault. So, my mother let me use her old truck for transport. Unfortunately that didn't last long, the truck died and now we're stuck with no vehicle and minimal transportation.
I've also lost all the people I have called my friends during part of last year and this year. I suffer from depression and anxiety that's been going on since I was a teen and its been getting progressively worse (abuse from ex's, people I trust backstabbing / lying / letting me down, to all the bullshit I put up with nowadays). Often times find myself having a lot of crying and panic episodes as well as having anger issues because of everything that's happened and more.... I'm a stay-at-home mom because of this. I can't work like I was able to, before my life went to hell..
I've tried getting on disability for the first time (I've been told multiple times I need to be on it because of the severity of the mental issues) and I haven't had any luck on it, saying I don't qualify, when it's obvious I do..
Let me put into perspective what I'm having to deal with currently... My mind is hazy and I have a hard time remembering some things. My fiance is currently unemployed and has been for the past 4 to 6 months and has a past record of not keeping a job for more than 6 months. Whether it be he fired or made to quit. He has ADHD (which apparently can affect being able to keep a constant job) and doesn't take medicine for it. He also has a bad habit of procrastinating. Every job he has had since we've been together has one point or another, has someone trying to sabotage his work, has to quit because he's given no choice by the upper management, or he just gets handed the short stick of being fired for numerous of reasons. Maybe he just has horrible luck, I don't know.. He could also be depressed, again I don't know..
For example, he got hired for McDonalds about several weeks ago. Was told they needed help and he will be added to the schedule. One of the women managers there has issues with men, and the other 2 female managers seem to be rude to people they don't like. He was only called in 3 times to work and one of the days he was supposed to come in, he wasn't even told. He was called to by one of the managers and then they said that they called the wrong "Anthony" (there is two guys named Anthony, my fiance and a black guy). Sitting right next to my fiance, I hear from the other side of the phone "Called wrong number. I'm looking to
call in the black Anthony, not you." And to that, my fiance said to them "Oh, well, I'm willing to work. If you can't get a hold of him, call me and I'll come in to work." The manager on the line said "Nah. I'm good.", followed by them hanging up on him. A week later we find out they fired him for a "no call, no show", despite he was never told to come in. They didn't even notify he was fired nor did they ever put him on the schedule, so there was never a way to know he was supposed to work unless they called him and he didn't have any room on his phone for there "Next" app or whatever (which was okay'ed by the main manager)... Honestly I think it was a set up, and it wouldn't have been the first time someone has screwed us over on his employment.
Back on topic. He's applied for jobs online and he gets no where with it, even tries calling. Though I feel as though he's not really trying as hard as he should. I always have to nag at him to apply to places and call them. He generally thinks just applying to only 1 to 2 jobs is enough and going weeks without doing any more, if I allowed him to do that. The places he does apply for, he shows interest and eager to work, they don't hire him. And if he does get hired, well eventually, you know the rest.... With his problem of being unemployed for a long period of time, we are losing our house, which is killing my credit score I worked hard on for years before I met him and after. We don't have any money saved up, so once we lose this house, I don't know where we'll end up. This is highly embarrassing. We have no way of paying the bills and the only way we're getting barely by is because he asks a close friend of his (whom is in the military) to help with cash monthly to keep the utilities and our phones from running out of service, and EBT and WIC.. He's not willing to ask his close family friend for $1000s to save our house (which I understand, that's a lot of money and it would be wrong of us to ask that much).Whilst being grateful for this kind of help, at the same time, I'm disgusted at the fact that we have to go as far as asking his close family friend for help and that we're relying on the government. I've NEVER been the type to have to stoop this low. But, I can't work because of my mental illness that affects me on the daily, it's made me unable to with breakdowns that happen randomly and often..
I've tried to talk to him about all of this and he says he's got it handled and we'll get through this and that he will find a job. And I was just told by him that he'll start saving up (as I'm typing this, he has no idea I'm submitting this). But I honestly don't think he does.
I'm constantly highly depressed, angered, and disappointed at everything. I end up taking it out on him because he let this happen when he told me he'll take care of our family 2 years back when my mental issues first started getting really bad.. We end up having arguments, yelling, me crying. I nag, poke and prod at him to get things done as he procrastinates, including us doing a mass clean of the house, because I feel as though that's the ONLY way things will get done,(if not, sorta done).
I feel like I'm a mother of 2 children instead of 1... I feel useless, stupid and ultimately, a failure.. I've pretty much lost everything under my name that I worked hard for. I'm fed up, tired of fighting, giving up hope and faith, and just done...
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist