I just don’t know what to do.
My husband and I have been married for about 4 years and have a 1 year old little girl.
For 3 of those years I was in college and worked part time (for most of it) and he worked full time after dropping out and was supporting us.
I always knew that he made sacrifices to make sure the bills were paid while I was working to pursue my dream career. He wasn’t happy in any of his jobs and because he didn’t have a degree his options on jobs he would be happy with were limited.
Tonight we got in a conversation and he told me that he is really jealous that I am in my dream career and that it made him “physically angry” because was always playing second fiddle.
Well most of the sacrifices he had to make were due to dropping out of college and he has admitted that.
Throughout our marriage I’ve always felt like he loved me because I was there and we’d built this extremely personal relationship but I have not felt a romantic love in such a very very long time and he is very aware that I feel this way. I don’t keep it a secret.
I feel like it was caused because he had all this resentment toward me and I’m just not sure how to handle it.
I’ve supported him the best I knew how through a very tough time of going through false accusations that ended up in a lawsuit (all job related) the charges were dropped when it became apparent that the accusations were false but it still took up 3 years and countless dollars of our life.
He’s screwed himself over in so many ways, I feel, and now he’s projecting that on me. I’m angry that I felt I was supporting him the I could and he’s so angry with me.
Am I wrong? Am I at fault for allowing him to play second fiddle?
Am I over reacting?
Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist