I lost all my self confidence after getting married! Help me!

by Anonymous

Mine was an arranged marriage. We met once and got engaged in our next meeting. We never met each other during courtship cos he was in the US. We used to have video call daily. It's been 1.5 years that we r married. We both live in The US. I left my well paying job in india to be with him inspite of being more educated than him. very soon he started criticizing me for pimple marks, yellow teeth and grey hair and said that I hided all these when we met first. He wasn't rude but I was so dejected that I underwent laser skin treatment and dental implant without telling him or anyone wen I came to india.

After I came back to US he found new ones to talk about. He felt my wrist are way too thin than normal and that my chin is too small. I asked him why he did not notice all this wen we met for the first time. If he didn't like me he shouldn't have married me. To which he said that I had hidden all these on that day else he wouldn't marry me. Which is not true.

Before meeting my husband I never knew I had so many things in my body to hate. I used to love myself and was a confident girl. But now i am broken and have lost all my confidence. It's true that he is more good looking than me but the marriage was not forced upon him by anyone. It happened with our consent. He doesn't torture me regarding these but reminds me every now and then and make fun. May be he doesn't realize but it impacts me emotionally .

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Aug 10, 2020
Self love
by: Anonymous

Firstly I'm not a counselor. I have been in your shoes and experienced it. In fact, I'm undergoing the same problem.

It's okay to feel the way you are feeling. Please don't blame yourself for it. Make yourself priority. Learn to give a deaf ear. It's a slow process... I'm learning and and I am sure you too can. Practice self love. Financial independence will definitely bring back lot of confidence but in the mean time, let's learn to face and stop criticism. Don't look down on yourself for giving up that job. It's a decision you made to build a closer relationship with your husband. Emphasize the role you have played in building your relationship. Everybody is flawed. But there is Soo much good in you, like giving up your career to have a better personal life- this shows your selflessness. Celebrate your personality and give a damn to what your husband says about you. Don't let negativity to reach you.

Hope and wish you are back to your own self, really soon. Take care of yourself!

May 15, 2020
He is gay
by: Anonymous

He is gay...

Mar 09, 2018
Earn more money
by: Anonymous

Hi. I think this happens to everyone. Initially we are carried away so we don't notice it. And Indians just want to lose weight and get fair for marriage and then immediately put it back on.

Being financially independent is a big ego boost. At some point of time you should surpass his salary. Even if u don't say it out loud that's a big slap on the face for a guy. Secondly u should take care of yourself too. Put in effort to look it best for him. And make him look his best too. Tell him u Will try if he tries.

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Eugene Kayser, lic. Marriage & Family Therapist

418 Stump Rd., Montgomeryville, PA 18936


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