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I messed up

by kyle
(mn)

The other night, my fiance of 3 years went to bed to read her book while I stayed up and watched TV. I made a terrible decision, out of boredom, to relieve myself by looking at adult content on my phone and my fiance caught me. I've never been so ashamed in my life.

I love my fiance very much, and I understand that she's lost her trust in me. How can she trust me when I betray her trust while she's in the other room? She's rightfully upset that I didn't just come to bed and try to make a move, but I also wasn't really 'in the mood' either -- I was just bored and too lazy to get off the couch. I don't even do that often, (maybe a couple times all year) but she thinks I do that and lie regularly now.

We typically resolve issues before going to bed because we know that anger and resentment compounds and makes matters worse. This was the first time we hadn't slept in the same bed together, and our relationship is in the worst spot its ever been in.

I know I messed up and it was such a stupid, selfish and unnecessary decision. I don't blame her for not trusting me at all. I've apologized repeatedly, and through our argument I've realized how I've become an arrogant jerk who thinks our relationship is iron-proof and I could do whatever. I have so much faith in our relationship that so I didn't even really think this was a big deal. I told her that I didn't want to hurt her, and I didn't think I'd get caught. Now she's questioning other things in our relationship and thinks I've lied about other things when I hadn't. I don't blame her for this, I just feel so stupid.

I'll do whatever it takes to earn her trust back, but any criticism or advice is appreciated. I'm also open to seeking professional counseling but thought I'd try a forum first.

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Feb 24, 2021
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It's ok
by: Anonymous

I am a 30 year old woman and have been married for 4 years.

It is perfectly fine to look at porn in my opinion. Self love is sometimes necessary. You did not cheat on her, nor betray her trust. Maybe you just need to be a bit more open with your sexual desires.

Dec 20, 2016
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by: Your Couples Guide

You might start by showing her what you wrote and feel about this. That could open a conversation about how the two of you handle sexual needs. It also sounds like you both would benefit from a few counseling sessions with a licensed marriage counselor to talk about the trust issues that sound like they involve more than just this incident.

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